


From Earth our love was born, from the sky I return.

by Myindepthmind



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Endgame Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, F/M, Sad Bellamy, Sad Clarke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2018-11-15 04:02:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 27,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11222907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Myindepthmind/pseuds/Myindepthmind
Summary: She sighs to herself as she hears Madi moving around in the Rover.“In times where I need you now more than ever, I know that you would be with me. That you would stand by me. We always faced these kinds of things together right? I know you’re tired of hearing it, but I love you.”She doesn’t think she’ll ever stop calling him.Bellamy braces himself for the impact of Earth's atmosphere and he waits for the right time to pull the levers; he’s reminds himself of her and her words. They would always do this together. He hears her voice and feels the feeling of her hand below his as he pulls the levers at the same time just as instructed.“Together.” he mumbles.Little did they both know, that together would be soon enough.Or: a season five reunion fic.





	1. The seven.

**Author's Note:**

> I've spent the last few weeks since the finale brain storming and coming up with the right direction I wanted to take a story like this. If you follow me on Twitter you may know of the struggles I've been facing with it. I plan to make this a multi chapter and I'm not 100% sure how many chapters I plan to make it just yet. I do have other projects in the works and I will do all I can to make sure I update this regularly. This project is going to be a rather wordy one seeing as I don't wish to miss any possible details that I could add. Either way, please enjoy and let me know if you are by leaving a kudos!
> 
> \- Brooklyn.

BELLAMY BLAKE.

LOCATION: ARK RING.

DAY OF PRAIMFAYA.

 

He feels the weight of the world, but the weight of the world is below him. Engulfed in Praimfaya. He watches the Earth scorch below and for the moment he wonders if he deserves to be watching this unfold. It rings around the planet setting fire to everything it touches. How beautiful this planet was, how powerful Praimfaya is. For a split second Bellamy could only relate to the flames below. Praimfaya wasn’t a person, it was an unstoppable force. The way the flames burned everything it touched, how unavoidable it was, how _unstoppable_ it was. Bellamy could only relate. Except he couldn’t, no he couldn’t. What he wanted to stop, he couldn’t.

The only thing that Bellamy could relate to was the burning sensation of what could have been. The burning sensation of loss, the force of acceptance upon him. These were all things he could relate to. Praimfaya was symbolic, it mirrored his life so clearly.

 

An unstoppable force capable of destroying everything in it’s wake.

Destroying everything it touched.

Destroying his life.

 

_Taking her._

 

The windowsill lit a fire like glow and if it wasn’t destroying the only place he considered home, he would consider it breathtaking. Only, his home wasn’t just a home, it was a person.

A bottle lay empty on the windowsill, another thing to mirror what was left of his soul. He looks to it and remembers an exchanging of words.

 

_We deserve a drink._

_Have one for me._

 

How symbolic is it that this bottle lay empty. Mirroring himself and his own selfish decisions. He wonders if it would have been better if he had just stayed and died with her. It would calm the never ending unrest he was only beginning to feel.

His skin was already crawling to memories he desperately tried to block out. One in particular was the way she smelt. It was a soft welcoming sensation, the way her skin felt at his fingertips as he brushed away the hair sticking to her face. These feelings he would remember, the sensation he would never forget.

 

_He hoped he would never forget._

 

How could he forget _her?_ It had to be impossible at this point. She changed his life the moment she called out to him not to open the door, fearing the air could be toxic.

 

_If the air is toxic, we’re all dead anyway._

 

Now it is toxic, as he lingers above that same planet, wondering where he went wrong.

It would be so much easier just to let himself die with her. Give in to the split second of pain that came with the wave of radiation. He would feel it once then feel nothing at all.

For now all he felt was ache. A numbing pain that lit his very soul on fire.

 

_Or what was left of it._

 

After everything he did to get where he is now, he could hardly consider himself a candidate that deserved to even breathe clean air. If anything _she_ deserved to be here. She should be here, by his side.

Overlooking the destruction and chaos that mirrored their lives. That’s what should be happening right now, _she should be here with me right?_

 

_She’s not._

 

Tears filled his eyes, or maybe they never left them. Just fresh ones beginning to show once again. His eyes bloodshot as they burn.

 

_Why does everything burn?_

 

His skin burns, the back of his eyes burn. Even the tears that fall from his cheeks are warm. The world burns around him and he too is left buried in ashes of it's wake.

 

_I made my choice, now I have to live with it. That’s what you would have told me, that’s what you had told me, long ago._

 

He reaches for the bottle, not a drop of liquid to even kiss the very bottom crevices of the glass. Her voice telling him that it’s okay. How selfish did he feel to think this way. There was nothing okay about this.

 

_I left her to die._

 

_I wrote her name down on the list._

 

_I lied._

 

_I’m a goddamn liar._

 

Raven meets at his side. For the moment he’s too lost in thought to even notice her. His fingers press hard onto the bottle in his hands. He regrets every single second he’s being allowed to breathe.

She asks him if they could do it without her.

In truth he hardly believed his own words. They may be able to live without her, they may be able to go on without her, but not him.

It would be so simple for him to agree and say that they _could._

Before he could speak the truth, he thought back to what she told him. That he needs to use his head instead of his heart. For her it was easy as tying shoes, she thought with her head and did what she had to do, even if sometimes he didn’t agree with her decisions. He knew all too well where her intentions came from and maybe, that’s what made them so different. He was the heart, and she was the head.

Clashing morals in moments of fear.

Never one without the other.

 

_You keep her centered._

_You got it backwards._

 

She taught him before she...left, that he needed to learn that he had to use his head too. A man that came all heart had to use his head because somewhere along the lines she knew that she wouldn’t be here with him.

He was ignorant to it because he didn’t want to believe a second, not one second, that he would be forced to live in a world without her.

 

_A world without Clarke Griffin._

 

The name tasted a lot like poison.

Somewhere in between the never ending gaze at the planet below, Raven left his side to go over the numbers Clarke left them.

He let himself lean against the cold wall, the one by the windowsill. He felt a chilling sensation, one he knows all too well. He felt it when he lost his mother, he felt it when he thought he lost Octavia.

This loss was different. He could hate himself a thousand times over for loving somebody this much. He’s felt physical pain before, he’s felt acid burn his very flesh. Nothing could compare to the stillness, the numbness, that came with this loss.

Sobs racked at his body and it shook him viciously. The tears never left, they never left him. He chokes and it’s hoarse, it burns, _why does everything burn?_

He doesn’t know how long he sits there empty against that cold wall. He doesn’t know when he moves, he just sits there against that windowsill. The flames of Praimfaya could blind his stare.

 

_He wished he gave a damn._

_But he doesn’t._

His own well being hardly mattered to him any longer.

 

His fingers comb through as his cries get louder, he pulls at his hair. He’s desperate to feel something, _anything._

 

_He feels nothing._

 

In some moments Murphy came to see him and sometime in his moments of agony Bellamy had passed out, so he brought him a blanket in hopes that his friend wouldn’t make a habit out of cold floors.

The next morning he woke to the warmth of the blanket and the sound of his friend Monty’s voice calling him to wake from the unsettled slumber he was caught in. He rises and his eyes hardly meet Monty’s. They take him to the main office where Raven is, they inform him that the Ark has been searched and all rooms available are marked on a small map they gave him. He notices the cell blocks crossed out and decides that’s where he would go first. He’d be damned if somebody else told him where he could and could not go. He was never the listen first type anyway.

 

_He listened to her._

The first thing he realizes when he walks the cold corridors is that he doesn’t miss the smell of the Ark. This place already brought back memories he only wished he permanently forgot. Walking these halls reminded him of them. He wanted to be angry but he couldn’t, there was too much going on inside his head. He only felt that sting of numbness that he was already growing familiar to.

He makes it to the cell block and the door remained open from when he guessed the hundred were evacuated from their rooms. The echo of his footsteps as he drags them from one room to another.

He finds Octavia’s cell first.

A small desk with picture frames of his family, a messy hair brush, some books about Mythological creatures and important parts of History. If he felt something, he would laugh at her clutter. He didn’t feel anything, not so much as a twitch, even after looking at a photo of his mother.

 

He drags himself again, he’s slow and careful.

He finds himself opening doors to familiar places, ones that belonged to familiar people. His friends, people he’s lost. The people who looked up to him.

To his surprise he even found Wells room. A picture of him and Clarke lay on the nightstand.

It shook Bellamy to his very core, he was looking at people who died. His people.

He leaves the photo with intentions of coming back. He knows what he’s looking for now.

When he does find it, it’s like the world around him disappeared once again. Her drawings littered the walls, sketches so heartbreakingly beautiful. He knew that it belonged to her. He found pictures of her and her father, the same identical picture of her and Wells, even some of Abby. Old teddy bears and boxes upon boxes of sketch pencils and papers. The worst part to him wasn’t her belongings, it was the warmth that radiated in this room. It was the only room he’s been in that wasn’t hitting almost subzero temperatures.

 

_Why does everything burn._

 

He sits on the bed and buried his face in his hands. He makes a decision in these moments.

He would live in this room. He cried harder this time, he pulled harder at his hair. When his comrades come to find him, they try to reason with him, to tell him that this wouldn’t be good for him, that there are rooms more spacious, actual homes.

He refused, telling them one thing only: this was his home.

 

They knew that in that moment he meant _her._

* * *

DAY: 101.

DENIAL.

 

Life seemed to move on and change for them, they had new systems running in place, new roles of leadership. Everything seemed to be going well in all sections of the Ark. The algae farms blooming at the rates needed, those who lived there grew comfortable in the homes they claimed, everything was beginning to feel a different kind of peaceful, one that they had never known before.

Everyone felt peace but Bellamy.

It seemed he was caught in another world, another dimension: one he refused to get out of.

They did try but his refusal grew stronger as days went by.

Monty, Murphy and Raven agreed to take turns checking on him.

Murphy cursed his own words, his friend did make a habit out of it. So every single night Murphy brought Bellamy a blanket, because every single night since they arrived Bellamy has fallen asleep on that same windowsill.

 

_That goddamn windowsill._

 

The nights he would slug Bellamy back to his room he would put up a fight if Murphy woke him. He would curse a string of words all too familiar, threaten to beat him senseless, even sometimes his punches would land. Murphy eventually gave up in getting him to lay on a bed. This suffering was painful to watch but he knew he couldn’t save his friend from this, so he brought him a blanket, and he would bring him that blanket until one day Bellamy felt better again.

 Monty sat the group down one night and let them know what to expect of Bellamy. He informed them on the psychology behind the seven stages of grief. He admired how his friends were interested in Bellamy’s well being. If they could work together to help him heal they would do just that. The person most enthralled in this informational session was Murphy. Maybe he felt like he owed Bellamy something, maybe he was just trying to make himself useful. Either way it left a small smile to reach Monty’s face every single time Murphy would raise his hand to ask a question.  Monty was no psychologist but the books he did read on the Ark, the ones he’s found since they got here all contained enough information for him to help his friend. Informing those around him wasn’t even half the battle.

For Bellamy had only entered the first stage when they got there. Shock and denial.

He’s lost all sense of reality, he refuses to let anybody go into his room. He’s demanded that nobody speak of her and when her loss comes up he denies that it ever even happened.

 Raven admitted that she always wondered what it would have been like if Bellamy and Clarke were ever to be separated for a prolonged period of time, just what that would be like to them. It was a known fact that the two were almost incapable of working without one another. Needless to say Raven regrets asking herself that all those months ago. Watching this unfold was more than painful.

The initial shock of Praimfaya lasted for weeks on end for all of them. Some may have found it easier, possibly less unbearable as time went on. What differentiated Bellamy from them was the amount of loss that took place. Everyone had lost somebody on Earth, they handled it in different ways.

They weren’t entirely sure Bellamy was handling much of anything at all. A hundred and one days of denial.

 

_A hundred and one days since he saw her._

 

Somewhere in these hundred days they held a small funeral for Jasper and Clarke. They speak for the good times they’ve had with them, remembering all the details and good qualities. Laughter through the painful tears that come with loss.

When it came time for Bellamy to speak, he couldn’t. He pleaded that he was sorry as tears soaked his cheeks. They knew he wasn’t ready to say goodbye. They decided they would wait to let him speak for her.

When he was ready.

 

* * *

DAY 365.

GUILT.

 

When the guilt came around, those who stood by Bellamy knew it all too well. No different than prior, they handled it differently. They all felt guilty for the past sins they had committed. Some very small and insignificant, some on a larger scale that caused a chain of events.

Bellamy had known guilt, he had known it since he let that bullet fly out of his pistol.

When he attempted to take the chancellor's life so he could come to Earth. It’s been since that fateful day, that he had known guilt.

He felt guilt when he tortured Lincoln, he felt guilt when he felt responsible for the deaths of those in the hundred who died early. He felt guilt any time he killed. He felt guilt for pulling the lever in Mount Weather with Clarke. He felt guilt when he assisted in the killings of the grounder army. He felt responsible for Lincoln's death, the list could go on and Bellamy would more than likely run out of paper if he had talked about everything that made him feel guilt.

 

Losing Clarke took that trophy.

The thought of him destroying everything that he touched, it never left his mind.

 

_I left her to die. I’m a goddamn liar._

_I should have died too._

 

He started to write down things that he never got to say to her. He couldn’t hold his attention long enough half the time, so he would write what he at least could before it vanished into the depths of his mind.

So instead, something that could be far easier than the written word: he recorded himself. Every single day he lived.

It had been so long since Bellamy actually spoke that when he did his throat hurt. He cleared it and began.

 

“You’ll never hear this, it will never reach you…it’s been 365 days since I lost you...” he stutters and that all too familiar burning in the back of his eyes follows through with the rush of emotions he was feeling just speaking.

 

He sat quietly at Clarke’s desk, well...his desk now. He thinks of what to say and falls short on words.

 

“I’m so sorry...damn it.” he grunts irritably and he hits his hands off the desk. “You’re not even going to hear this and I still can’t bring myself to talk to you properly. What the hell is wrong with me?” he grows quiet to his words searching for an answer for himself.

 

“Nothing’s wrong with you.” a familiar voice calls from the doorframe, he never noticed Raven arrive.

 

“Get out.” he snaps and she doesn’t move.

 

He looks to her and she hardly recognizes the man before her. The bags under his eyes are so dark and she doesn’t remember the last time his eyes weren’t bloodshot. There wasn’t much anybody could do for him anymore. He wouldn’t let them. So instead they periodically checked on him, made sure that he was okay and that he at least ate something.

Though nothing could aid the guilt that he felt inside.

“Clarke wouldn’t want this for you, I hope you know that.” Raven says quietly. “We just want to help you Bellamy.”

 

“I miss her, I don’t even deserve to miss her. _I left her to die._ ” he chokes.

 

“Bellamy, if you stayed, she would feel this too. She didn’t want you to die, she wanted you to live.” Raven tries to ease his pain and she knows it won't work.

 

“I deserve to suffer, I did this to her. I left her to die…I left her to die….” he repeats his words and his hands tangle in his hair once again, he pulls on it hoping to feel something. It’s still numb. Raven tries to soothe him and rub his back, it does nothing for him.

 

She doesn’t know when but she hopes one day he would feel better again.

* * *

DAY 560.

ANGER.

 

Bellamy learned how to control his anger on the ground, but this time when the anger came around it lit a fire directly inside of him.

 

_Why me, why does everything burn?_

 

He picked a room a few doors down and decided that between old aged Whiskey and his memories, it would be enough to push him to trash the place.

He didn’t care even for a split second.

Why did she have to leave him? Why couldn’t she just have stayed for just this once? He wanted to hate her for everything, hate her for leaving him. More than anything he hated himself for all that he had done. The guilt replaces itself with the anger that burns inside.

He doesn’t think he deserves shit.

 

“I should have floated myself.” he would mumble idly to himself. He didn’t care who heard or what agenda they had to attend to. He didn’t help with the Ark the way he was supposed to, he let Raven take charge.

 

Bellamy Blake didn’t care about anything at all.

If the chambers still worked, sometimes he’d convince himself that he would have the guts to float himself.

God he wanted to be angry at her. He screamed his voice strained. It burned, it all burned.

The planet wasn’t that orange glow any longer, it was dark and you couldn’t see anything through the thick smoke in the atmosphere.

 He looked for lights, for anything, for a sign.

 

_God she had to be alive right?_

 

Bellamy was beginning to consider himself more delusional than anything else.

He figures he deserves all of what he was going through. It was karma delivering itself on a silver platter, an eight course meal.

This was karma for doing all he did to get here, karma for leaving her to die.

He’d hate to admit that alcohol and sore muscles became the only thing that made him feel that numbness anymore. He missed it, he missed feeling numb. Now that it’s been forever since he lost her…he misses the numbness that came with the disbelief.

It’s all so real now, the pain is real and everything burns that much more now that everything finally surfaced.

He picks up the recorder and tries to speak again, he tries every day.

 

“Clarke, I don’t deserve shit. I didn’t deserve you....what we could have had I didn’t deserve that either.” he chokes on his cries, he cries so hard.

 

“Raven said this gets easier but it doesn’t, I miss you ordering me around I miss the determined look in your eyes. I miss the way you’d hum when you did inventory…or when you read the maps.” he freezes at his own words and scrambles as hard as ever before. He runs down the hall to the office to get Raven.

 

The door swings open and Raven’s mouth hits the floor, she was surprised that it was Bellamy. “What is it, what’s wrong?” the panicked look on his face has her in immediate worry.

 

“What was the song Clarke used to sing, sometimes she would sing, sometimes she hummed. What was it…I can’t remember, Raven I’m losing her!” he shouts and he is entirely out of breath, he slumps against the wall, his eyes wide and full of tears.

 

“Damn it!” he yells and his balled fist hits the wall behind him.

 

Raven does remember it, how could she forget. She closes the space between her and Bellamy and she takes his wrist. With two finger she taps along to her memories of Clarke’s voice. All the pretty little horses.

Bellamy winces to the contact of human flesh. As Raven taps he begins to hum. He remembers when Clarke killed Atom, the first time he ever heard that song. God he wished he could tattoo it fresh into his mind forever.

 

“It’s going to be okay, we’ll figure something out.” Raven tries to assure him.

 

He looks to her, his eyes wide. Her words were much the same as Clarke’s.

 

She always told him that. - _We’ll figure something out._

 

When they lay against that tree, completely out of breath and entirely broken. He found his home and his home was with her. Now she’s gone and there is nothing he can do.

His sobs are constant and his fingers comb through his thick unwashed curls. He doesn’t remember the last time he showered. In some moments Murphy is at his side with Raven, he rubs his friends back in comfort. They all know how hard this is on him, they miss her too. However nothing could ease the ache of this man's broken heart. They were wondering if he would ever recover.

They force him to shower and he sits on the floor letting the water drown with his sorrows. The alcohol smell coming off his skin and being replaced with a shampoo with a scent he can’t pinpoint. Either way, he remembers showering on Earth. He remembers washing the blood out from underneath his nails, how it stained his skin. He remembers rain, he remembers blue. He remembers _her._

 

* * *

 DAY 1200

SADNESS.

 

Just when Bellamy thought he was beginning to heal, he forgets her voice. He went from hearing her every day to complete deadzone silence and he begins to panic. He meets in the dinner hall for the first time since they arrived on the Ark. He never once stayed to eat, he always ate in his room or at the window, anywhere he could feel Clarke. So when the group is greeted with his presence the room falls still.

 

“Bellamy, hey.” Harper smiles at him and Monty nods while he chews a mouthful of food.

 

“I can’t remember what she sounds like.” the room falls silent once again. They realize that they don’t remember it either, it had been so long from this point. The Clarke they knew was chipper and demanding, she was powerful and got the job done. She was empowering all and all, but with time comes memories and with memories comes time for them to pass into the distance, then be gone completely. Raven blames the amount of work she has to do, she hardly remembers anything about anyone from her past anymore. Murphy chooses to forget, Monty still hears Jasper, years of friendship couldn’t ever be erased.

 

Here Bellamy stood completely stunned and completely aware of just how gone she actually was. It takes him through the stages of grief up until this very one, the depression and loneliness that comes from healing.

 

_She’s gone._

 

It feels like he’s been punched in the stomach, this was a new pain from all of the others. His mind wanders and he breaks down once again. He lashes out, he tosses the metal chairs and his screams are wails that could echo the entire ark. He is entirely broken, Monty prepared them for these moments, but nothing could quite compare to the feeling of seeing their friend finally lose all sense of reality, only to fall into it painfully. The painful realization that she indeed is gone. He’s been in denial and his stages of acceptance came slower than the considerable norm. Monty has made a point to silent study his friends behavior so he could get a general idea of just how well he’s handling things. To be expected he wasn’t handling it well. All who associated themselves with Bellamy and Clarke knew just how much one meant to the other, but seeing _this?_ It was on a different level. They knew to some degree that he did love her, they didn’t know how much or in what kind. They just knew that there was a level of understanding and untouchable love.

 

Now seeing this they realized just how much Bellamy loved Clarke.

 He throws things and he yells common words they are all too used to hearing.

 

_No._

_She’s gone._

_She can’t be gone._

_I need her._

_She said she needed me._

_Why did she have to leave? I need her._

_I need her....I need her._

 

Although through his actions this time they heard new words fall from the cries that erupted from his throat. _“I loved her....I never told her I loved her.”_

 

That one weighed heavier than ever on the room. Words he never spoke aloud, words they knew were true and words they always wondered about.

Murphy is the first to rise from his seat, he goes to Bellamy who is attempting to catch his breath. His arms wrap tight to Bellamy and he slides down the wall with Bellamy when his legs finally give out. He sobs uncontrollably into Murphy’s shirt, tears soak the fabric. His fingers pull on the shirt and you could hear it ripping.

 Murphy brought him a blanket every single day, surely this wasn’t a time he’d care either.

The only words that echoed the room as their friends watched Bellamy break down for the final time.

 

_She’s gone.....I left her to die....I loved her so much, I don’t think it will ever stop hurting._

_Why does everything burn._

 

* * *

DAY 1534.

ACCEPTANCE.

 

“Hey princess....It’s been 1534 day’s since Praimfaya, would you believe I’m teaching myself how to draw? I never understood the fascination behind it but it’s helping me cope with not having you around.”

 

He teaches himself to draw in hopes of coping with the loss of Clarke. He’s not good at it, he’s _terrible._

His memories act as a curse and a blessing hand in hand. All of this does not come easy, the months upon months he has spent attempting to get here have been treacherous.

 

He tries to think positively and some day’s he physically can’t. He’s learning to love the thought of existing again and he hates the price of it. His friends guide him along this journey and he is grateful for who he has left. Murphy teases him when they work out together, he tells Bellamy how much of  a pain in the ass that he had become, he tells him that they had switched since landing on Earth. Murphy had been the pain in the ass and Bellamy had to handle it, now it had switched. Though with respect Murphy does not tell him it’s burdening, instead he thinks he owes Bellamy for all he had done to keep them alive. The work out sessions became a rehabilitation step for Bellamy. It became something he loved to do, to work out his anger and his sadness. Monty even joined in after a while. He was starting to remember just what love felt like. These people were his family.

 It doesn’t stop the nightmares he still has. Though he had been healing, not everything was gone. He still thought about her all the time, his muscle memory favors him in times like these. He remembers faintly what she feels like.

 Sometimes he has days where he still cries and Harper tries to remind him of the good times he knows they had. He begins to take responsibility once again and he apologizes religiously to Raven for leaving all of this on her shoulders. She says she didn’t mind and she is grateful for Monty in these cases. None of them minded, _they couldn’t mind._ They just wanted to see Bellamy okay again, even if that took the rest of the time they lived here. They would need him more once they decide to go home again.

 He watches the planet from above, he sits on a chair with a sketchbook, his small recorder and a glass of Whiskey. He no longer drinks to get drunk as a skunk, or to drown his sorrows and numb his pain. He casually drinks for _her,_ he has that drink for her.

He never knew what kind of alcohol that she liked, he just knew that they were similar enough that she could have loved what he did. He laughs to the thought of her in his distant memories, _brave princess._

 

The planet no longer fogged the way it used to, the air seemed to clear and the atmosphere was no longer dark and full of ash. It was still foggy and he couldn’t make out much of anything. Thanks to Clarke’s nature books, he draws trees. He draws green and what he remembers of the world and all of it’s glory.

 He exhales and blows his long curls out of his face, he laughs and hums All the pretty little horses. He remembers daring blue eyes, he remembers that smile that lit fires in his heart. His love for her was a never ending burning flame.

He for once no longer wonders _why it all burns._

 

In these moments of temporary happiness he even found a new jacket. It was similar to his old one, this one just had more padding and was undoubtedly cleaner. In order to free himself of all the pain he was feeling, things had to change. He even looked at himself in the mirror which he hadn’t done not once. The scruff on his face makes him erupt in laughter because he thinks of what she would say to his ever growing jungle face. He didn’t care for so long, now he shaves his face. It makes him feel bare and new.

He wouldn’t let her legacy die in vain, he was tired of hating himself. In moments he did break, in moments he did cry, but somewhere along the lines he knew he had to be strong.

 

He had to be strong for _her._

 

* * *

 

DAY 1850.

RECONSTRUCTION.

 

He teaches himself what he remembers of the grounder language. He has Harper demand to cut his long hair that was starting to become a mess. He slicks it back much in the fashion he used to have, way back when he used to be a cadet. He argues with Raven when she tells him it looks good, he probably won't keep it this way. It was their idea to cut it anyway. His forehead already feels naked.

He misses Octavia.

Not the nagging that comes with having a sister, just the welcoming feeling that came with having a sibling.

He’s certain that she’s become the leader he believes in. The last conversation she had with him, he finally heard her say I love you after all that time of disorder in their lives. He was happy to know that once he returned home, once he returned to Earth, that he would find her and remind her of just how precious she is to him.

The word home makes him cry.

This had been the first time he had cried in quite some time now. He laid on the bed on his side facing the picture frame that had Clarke and Wells. He misses her more than words could explain.

 

She’s still home.

He never leaves her room even after most of the healing is done. All of what he knows of Clarke remains in this room and in a lot of ways it’s his safe haven.

 

He reads aloud to himself and sometimes he feels like he’s reading to her _._ Since the trade posts were open he had access to old books and anything that he could ever want. He finds an old pair of glasses that he now needed to read, he’d scoff at himself and call himself old then hear her voice yelling _no_ in his head. He’d laugh at the internal banter. He picked up more sketchbooks and art supplies that he indeed was beginning to run out of, he thinks that he’s slowly getting better at the drawing thing. He’ll look to Clarke’s work and refuse to compare. Her art was a gift all  on it’s own and so was she.

 _Finally_ when he picks up the recorder, he knows what to say.

 

“Clarke…” the name alone stings and he swallows the knot that sits unpleasantly in his throat. “Princess…did I ever tell you about the theory of the multiverse? It says that there’s an infinite amount of universes parallel to ours that contain every single possible set of circumstances. So that means somewhere...you’re here with me. Somewhere we’re laughing together in a grassy field. Somewhere I told you I loved you. I probably still do, _no I do._ ” he laughs slightly to himself as he draws through his words. The only light that illuminates the room is the little desk lamp.

 

“I think I’d like those universes a little better. This one kind of sucks.” he smiles at a picture of her and her father and gets back to drawing.

 

For the first time ever, he draws Clarke. He remembers what she looks like better than anything. The crystal blue eyes of straight determination. The ones he’d catch himself drowning in. He still can’t say he’s good, but he starts to realize just why she must have loved to draw so much. It’s calming and his anxiety no longer ralls itself up on it’s own.

 

_He misses her._

 

In moments of weakness he reminds himself of the good times, things that make him happy.

The days seem to pass by quicker now as he finds himself leading once again. They needed him and he couldn’t change that. He still apologizes to Raven for all she had to do alone and she still waves her hand in her face ever so comically, reminding him that they know how he feels and not once could she ever blame him for all he had to go through.

 

He even gets to space walk.

 

On day 1988, Raven wasn’t feeling the greatest and she knew she couldn’t patch the section of the Ark that needed a quick seal. So she teaches Bellamy all she knows. He suits up and as he enters space for the first time, he’s reminded of what it felt like when the first entered ZERO G again, _after they left her._

It hurts for the moment and the weightless feeling was far different from the heaviness of his heart. She would be so proud of Bellamy. Wherever she was, indeed she probably _is._

The thought of the multiverse pokes through his thoughts and he wonders if there's a place where she had loved him back.

In moments of his own weakness he thinks his mind tricks him into believing that she did.

He tries to ignore those thoughts, especially as he floats in space. He understands why Raven loves to spacewalk now. _He feels free._

 

When he returns to his room, he cries for her again. “Hey...” he says through his tears. “I just wanted to say that I love you, I never did. _I never did._ I wanted to tell you before you left. So many times it would build up in my throat, it never felt like the right time. I know I do love you, I just wanted you to hear it. I’ve said it before on these recordings, but I felt like I needed to tell you again. One for every time I _didn’t_ I guess huh.”

 

* * *

 

DAY 2100.

HOPE.

 

“Bellamy Blake, get your ass to the office now.” he hears Ravens voice echo of the PA system of the Ark and he laughs as he runs his fingers through his curls. He lay sprawled on the bed, he knew it was early. The soft fabric against his skin is welcoming.

He only wished she was laying here with him.

He shuffles out of bed and drags his pants on. His socks, followed by his belt, then his shirt and jacket. He’s picked out a new pair of boots, combat ones that were very similar to the ones he had owned before. The ones he completely destroyed on earth.

He misses the warm breeze, he misses the feeling of grass.

Walking down the corridor, Echo stops him for a moment to talk.

 

“Hey.” she mumbles nervously.

 “Hi, something I can help with?” he tries to play chipper, but all he could be reminded of is her betrayal.

“I just wanted to ask you if you would maybe want to watch the meteor shower tonight with me? Raven was telling me about them and I wanted to start fresh with you, I tried earlier when we first got here…but you were still, you know?” she cuts herself off when he frowns.

“I was still what?” he snaps. “Go watch it yourself.” He breezes past her, there is no way in  hell he’d let her slime her way into his life, _no way in hell._

_She was a snake and he hardly could say he would ever trust her._

He enters the office to Raven’s wide eyed glare. “What is it?” he asks nonchalantly, greeting the rest of the crew with a nod.

“I’ve been running the numbers for some time now, if my calculations are correct. We should be able to go home soon, and soon as in, within the next hundred and fifty days.” She looks to him and his eyes widen in shock. His hand greets his hip and another rubs over his face.

“Have you made contact with the bunker?” he asks.

“No but there is static coming from somewhere on Earth, this green patch here actually. We haven’t got a strong signal, it’s just waves of static.” she moves her way over to the window next to Murphy and she points the spot she mentioned.

“I figure that’s where would be safest to land. I had Emori monitor the planet's rotation to find the safest places left on Earth that seemed habitable.” she mumbles.

“So we don’t know where Polis is then.” he confirms.

“I recon it’s just outside the green patch of land here.” Monty joins them and Raven nods to confirm their theory.

“But we don’t know for sure? I don’t think we should be shooting ourselves at a planet if we're not going to at least attempt to find our people.” Murphy asks in suspicion.

 

“No, we don’t. That’s why only one of us is going.”

They all look to Raven curiously and a smile greets her cheeks when she thinks about the first time she went to Earth in that pod.

“Only one?” Harper asks and Raven nods.

 

Bellamy contemplates this. He wonders if for a moment he should stay back, but in this same moment he realizes that he should do this for them. He’s their leader and he’s spent so much time away from his duties that he would consider it necessary that he would be the one to go. He would go to see if the air was toxic, if Earth was habitable again and finally he could find his little sister.

 

“I volunteer.” Bellamy blurts out and it catches the room off guard.

“Bellamy…” Raven says slowly.

“You take care of things topside, I got this. Besides you’re the smart one anyway.” he smiles a smile she hadn’t seen in years. She knows why he feels he has to do this.

“Alright then, it’s settled. If I can get one of the two drop ships ready, in less than a hundred and fifty day’s time, Bellamy will return to Earth.”

 

He stills as the thought of returning home, was it even home? No, home was with her. He would return to Earth in hopes to find a home for his people. He would return to his sister.

 

“Bell” Murphy calls out to him and it brings him from his deep thought.

“Yeah?” he asks.

“You never got a chance to speak for her, did you want to?” Murphy asks carefully.

 

He hadn’t thought about that in a long time, he even forgot these moments happened. He never really did say goodbye.

 

“She wouldn’t have wanted to say goodbye. So, I won't. She lives on through me.” His smile is radiant and for the first time he’s not crying over the mention of her name. He’s smiling for her, he’s living on because she lives on through him.

 

Instead they drink in celebration, in memory of her. They play different games that had missing pieces, they danced to old records and told stories from their past. It was so long ago.

He smiles a smile that was pure, _because she is with him always._

* * *

 CLARKE GRIFFIN.

LOCATION: EARTH.

DAY 2,199.

 

“Bellamy....if you can hear me, if you’re alive. It’s been 2,199 days since Praimfaya. I don’t know why I still do this everyday. You would be laughing right now, calling me crazy. In truth, I miss you. I tell Madi stories about you, which in a way keeps you alive. I will always keep you alive with me. In a way I guess you live on through me.” she smiles into the radio and tears kiss her lightly flushed cheeks.

She comes to terms with the fact that he may not be alive. All of her friends who relied on her may never come home. They may never have arrived in the first place. She cries for him and their memories. Maybe one day he’ll come home to her.

 

“It’s been safe to come down for over a year now, why haven’t you?”

 

* * *

 

“Raven have you come in contact with the bunker yet? Or is it still static.” Bellamy asks one night as he helps her fix parts of the pod they were planning to use.

“No” he hears her mumble as she lay underneath on a skid, working away at the bottom side of the pod’s body. “Just static today.”

“Soon enough, we won't need to worry.” he mumbles although he wonders for the moment if Octavia was the reason for the static below.

 

* * *

 

DAY 2,220.

 

“All set?” Raven asks Bellamy and he quirks into a smile.

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” he laughs almost nervously.

“I’m going to go over it again before you leave. So this pod is a newer model of the one I landed, so it should be easier to pilot. However, given that it’s still aged I could understand why you’re nervous.”

 

He rolls his eyes at her and Murphy laughs to himself.

 

“In the simplest way I can, I’ll go over the procedure. Once you drop, flip the blue switch to stabilize. You will plummet for a while but it will help aid the balance of the drop. Once you hit the Earth's atmosphere, it will get tricky. You will have to pull the red and yellow lever at an even speed to boost yourself in the direction you want to land. It’s tricky and you have to have the timing perfect.”

“Always persuasive as ever, huh Reyes.” Murphy smiles cheekily at her and she smiles back. Bellamy notices the energy between the two and shakes his head. Those two of all people growing close? Hell had to be freezing over.

“Alright.” Bellamy responds casually and rises from the pod’s seat he was sitting in as she went over the explanations. He goes over to each and every one of his friends. He hugs them and they tell him how proud of him they are. They wish him well on his journey and wish him safety. He thanks them all for everything and apologizes one final time for his leadership. They remind him of how much they understood and tell him they appreciate him once more.

 

When everyone files out of the room with one final goodbye, he’s left with Raven.

 

A silence blooms for a while before she clears her throat. It was such a Raven thing to do when she was lost in thought. Although it shocks him when she looks to him with care. “She would be so proud of you, Bellamy.”

He stills to this and it’s hard to keep tears from falling. He sniffles it away and Raven smiles sadly at him. “You think?” he asks.

“No..” she pauses. “I know.”

Her hand ruffles the curls atop of his head to break the uncomfortable tension. He didn’t want to cry anymore and if he did cry he wanted to wait until he landed on Earth to do so.

“Ready?” she asks him and he nods slowly.;

He slips on his suit and prepares for the sensation that comes with nervousness. “Take care of things topside.” he mumbles as he slips the helmet over his head, locking it into place.

“Always.” she replies with all too familiar words.

“I’m going to find our people.” he says confidently.

She steps out of the room and she counts down. She watches him close his eyes and mumble words to himself that she couldn’t make out. In the last moments a small sad smile reaches his cheeks. When she finally pulls the lever, that’s the last thing she sees.

 

* * *

CLARKE GRIFFIN & BELLAMY BLAKE.

LOCATION: EARTH.

DAY 2,220.

 

“Hey Bell, 2,220 day’s now. A ship landed and Madi and I had to move. I really thought it was you....I don’t think I’ve ever cried that hard before. We’re not alone here and for once I feel terrified. It’s funny I haven’t felt this terrified since we landed on Earth for the first time. I keep asking myself what you would do in this situation.”

 

She sighs to herself as she hears Madi moving around in the Rover.

 

“In times where I need you now more than ever, I know that you would be with me. That you would stand by me. We always faced these kinds of things together right? I know you’re tired of hearing it, but I love you.”

 

She doesn’t think she’ll ever stop calling him.

 

Bellamy braces himself for the impact of Earth's atmosphere and he waits for the right time to pull the levers; he’s reminds himself of her and her words. They would always do this together. He hears her voice and feels the feeling of her hand below his as he pulls the levers at the same time just as instructed.

 

“Together.” he mumbles.

 

Little did they both know, that together would be soon enough.


	2. Your guardians keeper.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He challenged the fear growing inside him as the pod picked up speed. He could feel the heat radiating off of it. He knew within just a few short moments he needed to pull the parachute wires to ease the landing.  
> It felt like the last six years were a blur, a bad dream he couldn’t wake up from. Almost as if he was stuck in a paralyzed state, as if he was drowning for six straight years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience and thank you for all the positive feedback! I'm really enjoying writing this.  
> These chapters take longer to write than others because there is so much detail I want to add to it and I don't want to rush and miss anything. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

Entering the Earth's atmosphere felt like a cakewalk to the disastrous whiplash he felt himself developing over the time as he plummeted to Earth. His fingers held tight to the levers he pulled, he only wished he could feel something other than fear but, only for the moment. It was thrilling in all honesty, he was tired of the sadness and confusion. For once in these six years he feels alive. The change of pace was desirable and it reminded him of his past. The thrilling life he lived. Now if you’d consider it positive thrill he would have to debate for a while longer before he had a real answer. His life wasn’t thrilling in such a way where it was anticipation and thrilling anxiety of what was to come next.

 

He felt like he entered into another world, not as he entered the atmosphere, but something different. In his time in space, Clarke came to him in his dreams. Sometimes it was just her voice, soft and innocent, and other times it was him talking to her about everything he couldn’t while she was _alive_. It had been some time since he heard her. As he plummeted to the Earth, her voice called to him, it’s like the entire world around him went white.

 

_“You came….”_

_“Even though you were about to break…”_

_“That’s a good sign…”_

 

_Her voice is like a sing song melody, only she can see how he truly feels. Bellamy was learning to be happy again, some days seemed to drag on while others were full of glee. Though in his sleep, she would still be there, that is where he could truly break, only around her._

 

_God how does she do it, how does she know he’s scared? how does she know he’s still hurting?_

 

_“So why are you here, Bellamy?...” her voice hums and his fingers tighten over the hold of the handles._

 

_“I think, I want to be forgiven, more than anything….” his voice is sad, hardly realizing that he speaks aloud to her._

 

_“By who?”_

 

_“You know who…”_

 

_“Isn’t it time you did the forgiving?” she hums._

 

_“I left you to die, I let you die…”_

 

_“Everything’s alright Bell, not now maybe, not hours, days, or weeks from now; but someday it will be. You will see.”_

 

_“Clarke, I’ve waited six years, you tell me this all the time, but it never comes. Everything’s not alright, I’m plummeting to Earth where I will be alone. I don’t know where Octavia is...I’m returning to where I left you, don’t tell me this is okay.”_

 

_“Bellamy...you need to forgive yourself.”_

 

_“I can’t!”_

 

He jolts out of his thoughts when he hears sirens informing him of the speed picking up and the temperature in the pod rising at rapid levels. He can see green, he can see _Earth._ The white blindness of the world he created when he see’s her diminishes around him and the clouds replace it. The sky is blue, it’s _blue._

 

He wanted to be happy, maybe even excited that the world was healing again.

No this wasn’t excitement, it was wondering when the next danger planned to turn the corner and head straight for them. It all began when they landed truly. They thought things like acid fog and grounders were a real threat, only to learn that people from the mountain had other plans with their blood and bones. Only for them to cross a threat that seemed impossible, one that desired to take lives in a different fashion than murder, to take away the human sensations. Take away pain and fear and replace it with a ever growing positive-fake light that all is good in the City of Light. Although Alie’s primary function was to change lives and make things better, it was gone about the wrong way. After all was said and done, what Clarke had said wouldn’t be a problem, became the biggest problem of them all. “Radiation won't kill us.” - but Praimfaya begged to differ.

 

He challenged the fear growing inside him as the pod picked up speed. He could feel the heat radiating off of it. He knew within just a few short moments he needed to pull the parachute wires to ease the landing.

 

It felt like the last six years were a blur, a bad dream he couldn’t wake up from. Almost as if he was stuck in a paralyzed state, as if he was drowning for six straight years. They weren’t easy ones and he learned that adaptation was the only way he could push through this illness. He didn’t want to submit to what had the power to control him. It hurt him to address what he was feeling, it hurt him to think of her. It was puzzling at first because after all this time the person he could relate to the most was Jasper.

 

The friend they all couldn’t understand. The one who was going through this exact same situation, losing a loved one. The chilling pain it leaves behind that you need to care for and nurture before it overwhelms the body and becomes an uncontrollable mass of destruction that eats away at you until there's nothing left. He hated the fact that it had taken himself and his friends this long to realize how to handle this illness. In his mind if they had just paid attention to the signs sooner, they could have helped him heal. He could be with them today, awaiting Bellamy’s orders, if they had just seen the signs sooner.

 

In the moments of weakness his friends were there for him and he couldn’t say the same for Jasper. He only wished that he could. He wished that in some way he could have been that shoulder for Jasper. The loss and trauma that comes with events like these is too much to bear alone and you shouldn’t have to. Bellamy and Monty, in honour of Jasper, refuse to let that ever happen again. Monty would say at what cost and Murphy would attempt to lighten the subject with his witty humor. Monty felt most responsible, that was his best friend and his brother. After long nights filled with tears of his own, Monty had grown a bond with Bellamy and Murphy. He can only thank Jasper for everything, he only wishes he could change the past.

 

It was something Bellamy and Monty shared. That sensation of loss. Monty called it a full circle effect.Monty lost Jasper which allowed him to understand what Bellamy was going through after he lost Clarke, which allowed the two of them to heal one another.

 

Bellamy thinks of Clarke again, this time when they took the vials on the beach. The thoughts of her voice, one that could very well be tattooed onto his mind now, that voice says together.

He struggled with remembering her voice for a long time, his mind was clouded and afraid of the future. After a while he trained himself to remember it and it helped him get through the days he felt like he couldn’t.

 

The wire is tough and he pulls on it hard. “Together.” he said again, he felt the knot growing in his throat. He couldn’t cry, not yet at least. He had to land safely above all else. Although landing was top priority, he knew that as soon as he landed he would deal with the ever growing sensation of guilt and solitude. The last place he saw _her._

 

The pod lands hard into the Earth’s surface and the impact is harder than he anticipated. As if he could guess it overall. Once he comes to, a burning feeling radiates at the top of his head.

His helmet is cracked and he unbuckles it. On the top left side of his forehead he’s cut from the shards of glass, the stinging isn’t unfamiliar and his fingers graze over the fresh blood that drenches his sweaty curls. As it dripped down to his eye, he wanted to wince; but instead a bubbling sensation of happiness, one that of a man who lives to tell another tale. It erupts inside him, he laughs a laugh that’s even music to his own ears. It wasn't habitual, but escaping death once again was just too good for words. How long until he meets death he will never know, but he is alive today. The tears fill his eyes and he’s unsure of how he feels, the overwhelming emotions are far too much for him to handle. A mix of laughter and tears as he leans his head against the control panel. His breathing more like short gasps and and his tears grow into small sobs of equal happiness and sadness.

 

_He’s alive once again, but she isn’t._

 

* * *

In times like these she remembers the first moments of solitude. The weight of yesterday and the weight of Praimfaya no longer heavy and prominent. The loneliness that came from the wake and destruction of Praimfaya left Clarke to fend for herself. The silence was deafening and the solitude was enough to become an acid that began to eat away at her, that was until every day, once a day she called Bellamy. When she felt at her lowest, like she was to break from the tiniest gust of wind, that was when she would call him.

 

_“Bellamy….It’s been 101 days. I don’t know how I survived or how I’ve even lived this long...I just know I can’t let this control me. I know I said before that I wouldn’t call you every day, but I think I need to…the thought of you keeps me sane.”_

 

She would dream of him as she fell asleep holding his old jacket.

More than anything she missed him.

 

_“Are you even alive…I could have failed, you could be dead.”_

 

_“You never failed Clarke…”_

 

She looks to the sky, every day; she dreams of him every day. It keeps her sane, he keeps her centered.

 

She tells Madi stories of her friends and her past, the people who resided in space, those who should one day join them and love Madi just as Clarke does. Stories of her genius friend Raven who had the same name as a type of bird, or Monty who knew just about everything too. Murphy, the man who shows no fear. It would go on and on. Madi enjoyed stories about the freckled boy the most, and Clarke did too. The man who helped her save the world so many times over. With strong hands and the heart of a lion. The man of strength, no waiver to his resolve, the man who would only grow soft to one woman, Clarke.

 

Clarke found Madi a year after Praimfaya.

It was a miracle that she was alive, hiding deep in the depths of a cave, so far gone that if she had walked further, she would have been lost to her own curiosity. Killed by the darkness, or what lay in the darkness awaiting her. Once Clarke showed Madi she meant her no harm, things came easier, and before she knew it, Clarke adopted Madi into her life as her own. A mentor, a mother like figure, somebody she knew a child needed. It helped Clarke too. Madi’s curiosity for the people of the sky was noted early, and to ease the weariness of Madi’s heart, to learn to trust those of the sky, it developed easy once Clarke told her stories of what once was, what is, and who the sky people are now. Madi grew fascinated with the sky people who resided in space, more so than those in the bunker. The freckled boy was a man of mystery and it was like a hero’s tale Clarke would tell her every time. It was hardly ever the same thing twice, there was so much complexity to Bellamy, so much to tell, in these six years Clarke never stopped believing in Bellamy and Madi surely didn’t either.

 

_The boy with the freckles was too brave to die._ Or so Madi would sing song.

 

Bellamy became Madi’s hero.

 

She only wished that Madi could meet him. She sits on a rock after her 2,220th message was said aloud, she looks to her drawing book on her lap, the picture of Bellamy she’s drawn, be it several now.

 

She groans in frustration. “Bellamy...I’m sorry. I don’t have much to say today. I’m trying to find words and I just...I can’t. I’m angry Bellamy, I’m so….angry. I just...I don’t know, I don’t know..” she mumbles.

 

Little does she know,somebody can _hear_ her.

* * *

“She’s….alive…” Raven stares in disbelief at the rest of the crew. Wide eyed and confused. One hand the most relieving feeling to ever grace them...the other? They lost contact with Bellamy, they lost his signal after he entered the Earth’s atmosphere.  

 

“Well I’ll be damned, who’s the cockroach now?” Murphy said sarcastically, the happiness in his voice could be heard. “God...I wonder what Bellamy is going to say?”

 

She can’t hear them, but they can undoubtedly hear her. She’s the signal they’ve been hearing.

In pure happiness, Raven hums All the pretty little horses and tears of joy poor down her face. She can hear her friends cheering around her and her eyes closed in contentment.

For her friend is alive and the one person who missed her so, would see her soon.

For the joy erupts throughout her friends, happiness was no longer rarity.

God damn that Clarke Griffin, she was invincible.

 

* * *

_Her voice called to him._

 

_“Bellamy….”_

 

_“Not now Clarke, I’m tired…”_

 

_“You need to take this helmet off or you’ll suffocate.”_

 

_“I wouldn’t mind...five more minutes.”_

 

_“Bellamy...don’t be silly...come on…”_

 

Her voice calling to him eventually woke him. The loud beeping and the gusts of steam emitting from the pod. The impact totalled the pod, it destroyed his radio, cracked his helmet which he is reminded of again when a stinging pain hits him like a ball and chain. He must have fallen asleep at some point, possibly from exhaustion or blood loss, _both,_ he thought.  

He unzipped his suit, pulling it off one leg at a time. The suit clung to his body, his clothes, and his sweat made him itchy. He pushed the uncomfort aside and reached desperately for the door handle of the ship. He paused once his hand hit the handle, the thought of what he was about to do became all the more real when the hot metal burned his palm. The world, Earth, is beyond this door. He hasn’t stepped foot on Earth since his final moments before Praimfaya...waiting for Clarke, praying that in some way she could make it. They had no time, something he knows now is more precious than ever. He only wished they had more time.

 

The metal is hot and it burns him evenly around the hold he has on the handle.

 

_Together._ He hears her say. In those moments, he winces to her words, he gathers the courage and pushes on the handle. He drags one leg over the seat to meet with the ground below. It’s bright and the ground is green. He steps outside the pod and a delicate breeze greets him.

The sensations he was feeling almost felt alien, for it had been so long since he touched the very ground he stood on. So many memories, they flood back like the tide. He doesn’t know why, but his legs give out. He feels weakness, sadness, the feelings he expected were with him now. Soft sobs could be heard from him as his fingers pull at the grass below. He shakes uncontrollably to the memories he once had. It takes him a while. He curls into somewhat of a fetal position and puts his forehead on the cool grass. It was a technique Monty taught him years ago; it helped calm him down when he broke down.

 

He thinks more than anything, this time around, he sits this way to embrace the ground. The grass is cool on his face and he can feel the dirt and grime. It had rained not too long beforehand, he could feel it in the soil. He left her here, and to Bellamy? The Earth was Clarke in a lot of ways. The radiation would have turned her to ash, a chilling thought. Her body’s ashes litter the ground and the nature blooms around him. To keep himself sane, he imagines her a sunflower, the grass below him, the very breeze he feels.

 

_He’s alive._

 

It takes him a while to truly take in the atmosphere again. The way the world feels. It’s entirely different from space in so many different ways. He missed Earth truthfully.

He slips on his jacket, his holster holding only a pistol that was left on the ark.

He takes all he would need, not much of anything at all, and heads out.

According to Raven, this plot of land is also not far from Becca’s lab, so he figures to start there.

 

Earth truly was beautiful, even if sometimes it brought sadness to his heart.  He’s a changed man, one who does believe he at least deserves to live. He has his loved ones to thank for that. They gave him the courage to carry on. His hands would brush over the trees and the leaves, he desperately wanted to feel Earth again.

 

_He desperately wanted to feel anything again._

 

His cuts and bruises, the burns on his flesh, he’s okay with it. As he walks along new paths he creates, he’s happy these sensations allow him to feel more alive than he has in the last six years. He hoped that one day he would find what makes him whole again. If he finds his sister, he’ll have to tell Abby and the others about Clarke. He shakes that thought out of his mind for he dreads the sound of a mother crying. He dreads the thought of the promise he made to her, to keep Clarke safe. He couldn’t keep his promise to her and he knows in the deepest parts of his heart that it will hurt all the same as it did prior, all those years ago when he first lost her. He truly didn’t want to think about what happens next. When Bellamy was on Earth, he had Clarke’s help to navigate and control situations. Now he was alone. _Would he be a leader? Would they let him co-lead with somebody else? Would there be somebody else he would be able to lead with? Was he even compatible with another leader? And what if he isn’t?_

 

A thousand questions found their way in and out of his mind. He pulls out the little old map that Raven tucked in his jacket; the map was supposed to be an accurate representation of the land that he arrived on.

 

After some time of walking and battling his inner demons, Bellamy finally found Becca’s lab.

It baffled him because it seemed untouched, or almost untouched, if you wanted to disclude the burns that Praimfaya left on the buildings skeleton. The core structure held the wrath of Praimfaya, and Bellamy wonders, _why did they even bother leaving?_

 

All of that _rush,_ all of the _worry,_ and for _what?_

 

Some rubble had fallen from parts of the structure so he navigates around it with ease. He finds the door handle and it’s cold on his burns. He reminds himself that if there is anything left from the medical labs within; he should patch himself up when given the chance.

The lab is illuminated as he remembers it. He’s used to how bright this lab is because living on the Ark was no different. It was bright in most places and most of the rooms were made of metal or cement. It was always very plain and minimalistic, the only things that ever hung on the walls were old paintings or photographs. Becca’s lab looked like a majority of the offices in Go-sci station. Suddenly, he wanted out of this laboratory. He feels his skin crawling with familiarities. He walks up the stairs hesitantly to the place where he remembers feeling her skin on his fingertips.

 

_Oxymorons._

 

He circles around the table to where they once stood. A thick dry substance coats the table. He touches it and the sudden realization hits him. _It’s blood._ The black substance belongs to a nightblood. He figures some of them, if there were any left, had to have survived this in some way. Maybe one of them hid out in the lab for a while after the wave hit. He pulls his hand away when he grows uncomfortable to the thought of that person's whereabouts. He feels on high alert and in these moments he remembers his rifle should still be around. They brought two on the mission to retrieve Raven so one of them had to be around here.

 

He wanders to one of the other rooms, the one where he last spoke to Octavia. He’s disappointed when he finds the radio missing. In the back of his mind he hoped it would still be there so he could use it to try and contact… _.anyone._

 

He slumps himself down on that all too familiar couch and he closes his eyes. The feeling of holding her rushes back to him. It took place in this very room He truly never wanted to let go. If the threat of Praimfaya wasn’t minutes away, he’d more than likely hold her until she let go. Something he learned around Clarke was he didn’t do well when she cried. Losing connection to their loved ones below took a hit on her. He held her and rocked her, hoping to ease her pain. Little did he know he would feel that loss in tenfold when the time arrived.

 

Did he _love_ Earth? Did he _hate_ it?

 

In truth it was a complicated relationship he was developing with the planet. It was once a symbol of freedom, a place to escape and start anew. In another point altogether it was hell. Fire set to the atmosphere and the sky above, storms brewing and waves of fire and radiation. It wasn’t the fault of the planet, it was the fault of the humans of the past. The power plants expire; how were they to know that the human race was to be wiped out. How were they to know that earth would be uninhabitable. How were the hundred and those who came down generations later; how were they to know that this threat loomed over them.

 

Bellamy dwells on what could have been and he grows to hate himself for it.

 

More than anything he misses his old jacket and he laughs at himself for it. Of all trivial things, that worn out, completely trashed jacket. He guessed somebody must have stolen it, he did leave it here on this couch.

 

He rests his eyes, he misses her, he lets himself dream a while of what he always did.

 

_Her._

 

The sound of things crashing in the room below him is what woke him. It startled him out of the half asleep state he was in and he carefully reached for his pistol on his right side. Slipping it out of the holster, he heads toward the door. He carefully creeps around. It had been so long since he had to stand guarded. He practiced in one of the rooms on the Ark so he wouldn’t be rusty when the time came, but nothing matched the thrill and the sensation of being back in this feeling. On edge, gun in hand, ready to protect.

He creeps around the corner and down the stairs, his knees bent and his pistol aimed steady and true.

 

_God he missed this thrill._

 

Before he knew it, he catches movement in his peripheral vision and his gun swings to aim at the figure. He’s surprised to find a small girl, trembling in fear with her hands up.

 

“Please...don’t shoot me.” she mumbles.

Bellamy sighs with a mixture of relief and frustration. “I could have killed you. Be more careful.” He sounds harsher than planned.

“I’m so sorry...I just got lost on my way back home. I haven’t been here in a long time, I know it is safe.” the girl explains herself with small hand gestures and Bellamy watches her. He’s intrigued by another human being, one so small and innocent.

“It could have been compromised, there could be strangers like me. You need to be more careful.” Bellamy tries a softer tone with her and he watches the muscles in the girl's shoulders relax from the tension they held at gunpoint.

“Okay.” she stutters and looks around.

“How did you survive Praimfaya, are you a Natblida?” Bellamy asks her curiously. He holds his ground and keeps away from her in fear he may startle her. She had to be a nightblood, so he uses what he remembers of the grounder language to communicate with her as best he can.

“Yes, I am a Natblida. Are you one of the sky people?” the girl asks.

Bellamy nods and crouches down to meet at her level. “I’m one of the sky people yes, I will not hurt you.” he reaches out a hand to her, a way to greet her and communicate that he means no harm. He puts his gun away in his holster and remains at her level.

She walks to hesitant steps forward. “Let me help you get back to your people. I will protect you and bring you to them.” His voice is gentle. If anybody had seen him do this they would tease him for his love for children, his love to help others, the same love that lands him in hot water.

 

“I need to get back to my Nomon. She may come find me.” the girl walks a few more steps to him.

Nomon, he thinks. “Your mother?” 

She nods. “Yes”

“How long have you been lost for?” he asks.

“The sun is rising. I have been gone since prior rise.”

_A day then,_ she’s been gone a day, he thinks.

“It may be in our best interest if we find her. Maybe it would be better if I told you my name.” he clears his throat. “My name is Bellamy Blake of the sky people, Bellamy Kom Skaikru.”  

“Madi” she replies. “My name is Madi I am Trikru.”

“Okay Madi Kom Trikru. Let's get you home.” He smiles as she finally reaches out for his hand. She looks to it in awe. His hand is so big and hers fits in his palm. The moments of tenderness between this child leave him breathless. The first human contact, a survivor on the planet.

 

_Bellamy’s not alone._

 

“Your hands are dry.” she mumbles.

He laughs and his head hangs low.

“What?” she asks, completely dumbfounded to his humor.

“Nothing, you just remind me of somebody.” the spark of determination in this girls eyes. They remind him of Clarke.

“You remind me of somebody too.” she adds.

“I do?” it’s his turn to be dumbfounded.

“Yes, Nomon tells me stories of Skaikru.” he nods to her words in understanding. Of course those of Trikru told stories of those from the sky. It made sense.

“I will gather some supplies and we will head out soon, okay?” He smiles to her.  

She only nods as he rises to tower over her. She backs away slowly. “Easy” he mumbles putting his hands up. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

She nods. “Nomon tells me not to trust others.”

“Nomon is a smart woman then.” Bellamy smiles playfully. “I will not hurt you, you have my word.” He reaches for her hand and crouches again. He places her small hand on his left side, right above his heart.

Madi smiles too and nods. This time he can feel her sense of safety around him.

“I have a sister.” he tells her.

“A sister? Is she nice?” Madi’s tone turns into the one he recognizes from Octavia’s childhood. The curiosity that flows through children is more than admirable.

He sighs “I haven’t seen her in years.” he explains, rising to go find the supplies they need. Madi’s demeanor changed and suddenly she’s all the more curious as she follows him around.

“What happened to her?” she asks, her hands are behind her back and she sways on the balls of her feet.

“She lived underground with the rest of Trikru and the thirteen clans.” he answers.

“Nomon told me about them too.” he pauses to her words.

“Was Nomon somebody special? Is she a Natblida too?” he asks her.

“Sir Bellamy, forgive me but I don’t trust you yet.” she states confidently.

 

He laughs genuinely as he swings the old rifle around his shoulders. “What would it take for you to trust me Madi?”

“Time” she mumbles. “And more stories. I love stories.”

_Time...he never really had much of that._

He turns to her and smiles genuinely. He gives her a pat on the head. “How about we take turns?”

She pouts and he chuckles. “Fine but you have to tell me more.”

“More it is then. - Ready to go?”

She playfully stands in a fighter stance. “More than ready!” she cheers.

 

His hands are on his hips and he laughs as he watches her march and cheer.

What an interesting turn of events.

It hurts _so much._

He misses her now more than ever.

 

God what a glimmer in this childs eye. He knows the stories he may tell her, might be about Clarke more than anybody else. He knows he will protect her, he will return Madi to her people. He will guide her so long as he’s by her side. This child gives him motivation he thought he lost.

 

It’s only just the beginning of his journey.

 


	3. The man I once was.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Murphy’s throat goes dry. 
> 
> This is a familiar sensation for the both of them, this is the Earth they remembered. 
> 
> Who? Who is Clarke seeing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the love I've been receiving. Thank you for being patient with me, I'm kind of a busy person so it makes it difficult to have a set date of release for these. I just wanted to say thanks again, for everything. Lots of love to you. xx

“So, are you going to tell me a story yet?” he can practically feel Madi’s pout and he chuckles as they walk through the forest. He’d admit this feels nostalgic. He’s got an outfit on that could almost match what he wore on Earth, a rifle on his back once again. He felt as if part of his old self was back, he could try learning to be whole again.

“You’re awfully impatient.” he teases.

She sticks her tongue out at him and he can see her frown. “Nomon says that too. She says that Natblida’s need to have patience, so she tries to teach me it when she trains me.”

“What are you trained in?” he asks curiously as he lifts a branch away from her face before she walks into it. She makes a disgruntled noise before continuing onward, the gesture reminded him of Clarke.

“I thought I was the one asking questions.” she pokes her head over her shoulder to look at him.

 

This child leaves a smile on his face like no other.

 

“Fine” she sighs. “Nomon taught me how to aim a gun; boy is she ever good at it.” she chirps. “She said she was taught a long time ago by a friend.” Madi looks over to him and his features are frozen in place. He’s thinking about the night he taught Clarke in that bunker. The night she told him that she needs him.

“Sir Bellamy, are you okay?” she stops in front of him and her eyes are full of curiosity.

He shakes his head and passes his feelings off as he usually did. He can feel her eyes wandering his face, searching for an answer. “Yeah I’m fine. You can just call me Bellamy you know.”

“How about Bell? Is short forms for names too personal for Skaikru traditions? Nomon always said there were plenty of short forms, but I don’t want to intrude.” Madi smiles.

“You can call me that if you’d like, yes.” he gives her a small pat on her head. “Skaikru never had much in the way of traditions.”

“That's what Nomon said. She told me that she is glad I do not have to face them, that we have come to a new age where the ways of the past do not impact us any longer. That we will come together in unity, as one.” Madi smiles triumphantly, as if she had been waiting to tell somebody that story for a very long time.

“Your Nomon seems very wise.” He smiles in response.

 

“She is but she's stubborn.” He watches her brows furrow in thought.

There were a few things going through Madi’s mind, but most importantly that this man before her was the one from Clarke’s stories. She pieced it together the moment she saw him, she knew in her heart of hearts this was the hero from her tales. She would bring him to Clarke, and Clarke would be happy once again.

So many nights Madi would watch her call to him off that radio, so many nights she would _cry._ It would all end, for the boy with the freckles had returned to Earth.

This boy loved Clarke, with all of his heart. She could _feel_ it. Now it was only a matter of time before she would bring them together again. So many times in the few hours they had been walking, she wanted to call her Clarke instead of Nomon; she knew that this story was one of greatness, a surprise worth waiting for.

 

The leader, the brave freckled boy, Bellamy Blake.

 

She would bring them together and make Clarke whole again, as she once was, when the boy she loves was by her side.

This secret would be difficult but Madi felt like she owed this to Clarke, she owed this to Bellamy, he was a hero she looked up to and he didn't even know it. She knows that once they reunite, she will tell him what makes him special to her. For now she gets to experience Bellamy for who he is.

“Sometimes stubborn is good.” His voice calls her from her thoughts. “It keeps you focused.”

“Nomon said boys of Skaikru are stubborn and strong, they don't go down without a fight. She was right.” Madi has a cheeky smile on her face. “Now tell me a story.”

He sighs and it's more of a laugh than anything else. This child was keeping him on his toes and he undoubtedly appreciated it more than anything. He thinks it has more to do with the fact that the more he thinks of other things, the less he thinks of Clarke. That was until she wanted to hear a story and she was all he could think about.

“When I first landed on Earth, I was to be executed for my crimes. I shot what you would call the former leader of Skaikru.” He winced his eyes shut to what was his past, memories he had long forgotten flooded back. Suddenly that burning sensation that used to feel all too familiar came back to him.

“Chancellors you called them.” Madi could sense the tension growing. She could see the hurt in his eyes, she knew why he hurt. Most of his time he spent on earth he was at Clarke's side. The feeling of having loved ones gone to the destruction that is Praimfaya; it was something Madi understood.

His eyes peeked open to her response. “Yes, Chancellor Jaha. I shot him to get on the ship to come down to earth with my sister.”

“That was very brave of you Bellamy.” She smiles.

A spark in his heart told him that this was good for him. A warm feeling that for once didn't feel like burning flooded his system. He smiled at this. “I don't consider it brave, it was rather foolish of me.”

“If you didn't, you wouldn't be the man you are today.” She nods.

“The man I am today isn't much of anything. I'm more of a coward if I'm honest.” _why was he being honest again?_

“I think you're braver than you give yourself credit for. You were in space and you came down here alone to find your sister. I think that's heroic Bell.” She smiles genuinely and it catches him off guard each time.

He swallows hard, the lump in his throat hurts. He feels like he could cry. Maybe later, after he returns Madi to her people. _Maybe later,_ he thought.

Over a period of time, hours had passed. Bellamy told Madi stories of the wicked mountain men, and how they took them down once and for all, them to never return. He added smaller spins to it to make the situation less graphic than it actually was. She was a child and telling her that he aided in the massacre of an entire civilization was the perfect way to send her running in the opposite direction.

They stop in a small clearing to make camp and rest for the evening. Madi was putting on a brave face but Bellamy knew that she was growing tired as time passed. It had been so long since he traveled on foot, so long since he hiked like this. He'd admit that he was feeling tired too.

He was surprised to see that animals had survived in this area. He was surprised of so much green that filled the environment around him. Praimfaya was an unstoppable force - it was funny to him how nature still thrived even through the chaos. Nature after all is the strongest force to be reckoned with. So he hunted for them, he caught two small rabbits and Madi lept with joy at his abilities to hunt.

He was happy that nature thrived, but he knew he had to eat, he knew he had to feed Madi.

Bellamy made a small pit to hold a fire. He pulled a log from beneath the branches for Madi to sit on. She sat eagerly as she watched him tipi the branches.

“Do you know how to set a fire?” Bellamy asked as she watched her wiggle with excitement. He had no idea what the child knew; he didn't know anything about Madi. He had so many questions, so little answers, for now at least.

“Nomon always did it for us, so no.” Madi sighed and tilted her head in shame.

“Come here, let me teach you.” He gestured to where he knelt by the pit. She eagerly walked to him and sat down next to him. She shuffles close to Bellamy, close enough he could feel the warmth of another human being. He stills for the moment, his hand holding the two branches he intended to create friction with.

Madi reaches over and her hand covers his. He flinched to the contact of her skin on his.

“It's okay.” She mumbles. “It's okay to be afraid too.”

“I'm not...afraid.” He replies with familiar words. Those words he used to tell Octavia. It was haunting words.

“I go close to you and you freeze like a doe to an archer.” She studies him, her fingers curl around his hand. His eyes clamped shut.

“You are brave, but everyone fears something. That's what Nomon taught me. She told me that the one thing she fears is love. The people precious to her are no longer with her. It was because she feared love that she couldn't tell them that she loved them. She couldn't tell the man she loved how she felt and now they are gone. I see Nomons feelings in you, the way she feels is etched on her face just as it is on yours.” Madi finishes her words and Bellamy’s eyes open slowly.

 

This child he was so taken aback by. She was wise yet so young and inexperienced. She carried this grace with her that made her feel welcoming, that made him feel like he could trust the young Natblida before him.

 

He sighs slowly. “I'm not afraid of anything, but love...that's up for debate.”

“Have you ever been in love before?” She asks curiously. _He feels that._

Bellamy swallows the lump in his throat. He knew this would come up. He knew he would eventually mention Clarke, he just had to give it time before his feelings unwound.

“Yes.” He mumbles. “I loved somebody very much.”

There it is, Madi thought. Any possible fear of this being the wrong Bellamy went out the window. This was the same boy. She felt so confident.

“What happened?” she asks, worrying she may have pressed too far.

He laughs brokenly. “I lost her before I got the chance to tell her I loved her. So I guess your Nomon and I have a lot in common.” He uses the stick to poke the dirt, he trails lines with it.

“Maybe one day you can tell her.” She smiles softly.

“When the world decides it's my time to go, I guess I will, won't I.” He sighs. “She died Madi; she died to Praimfaya.”

 

She frowns knowing full well the truth. She can feel his sadness. She knows the source, she knows how he feels. She's watched Clarke cry over that same feeling. That loneliness, that burning, it's all so familiar.

 

“I'm sure she knows. The loyalty I see in you, I know you were good to her.” Madi says confidently.

“I left her to die. That's all she would've known.” His tone is sadder than it was before, the lump in his throat is growing. He wants to cry.

“My Nomon loves like you do. I see the same sadness in you Bellamy.” Was her only answer.

That hits him hard, he feels that but he answers something else. “That's why you're so well behaved, I bet it's because she loves you.” Bellamy tries to smile back the tears.

“She loves one man so much, that man is no longer with her. She doesn't get to see him anymore, so she tells me stories to keep him alive.” Madi answers.

Bellamy doesn't want to pry, but he can't help but ask further. “Is he your father?”

Madi laughs a heartfelt laugh. “Sometimes I imagine so. The amount of stories she has told me, he became my hero.”

“I used to tell Octavia about an enchanted trash can, so I can see your Nomon is a better storyteller than me.” Bellamy smiles, this time it's genuine.

“Will you tell me; tell me about the woman you love.” He sighs and she stutters. “I'm sorry if you...don't want to I just...I love stories. - you remind me of Nomon, I miss her, I'm sorry.” She retreats her hand away and he takes it.

“First I teach you how to light the fire, then I tell you of her.” Bellamy smiles softly and Madi’s eyes glow with excitement.

He takes her hand and does exactly as he remembered, the branches are dry enough to create a friction.

A spark once, twice, Madi flinches to it and Bellamy’s gentle touch calms her immediately.

“Easy, it's alright.” His voice is gentle.

He gets the fire started, it's a low flame and he brings it below the branches to set fire to the core of the makeshift structure.

She wiggles with excitement. “It's magical.”

“You see fire often?” He asks her curiously.

“I just never tire of the elements. Nomon tells me about them too. She draws.” That stings, he thinks about his home, he thinks about Clarke's room, _his room._

“How did you survive Praimfaya?” His question is more of a distraction, he tries to avoid where his thoughts bring him, always to her, they always wander to Clarke.

“I was on my own.” She sighs. “Terrified and afraid. I came across that big place, that's where Nomon was, she found me.” He knows she's referring to Becca’s lab, exactly where he had stumbled across the child in the first place. He took in every word she spoke and somewhere along the line, listening to her stories, it made him hurt inside. He had lost Clarke so long ago, but this child and these stories remind him of her.

 

He knows in his heart of hearts that she's gone. The nightblood solution didn't work for her, he watched her grow ill. There would have been no chance of her survival, damn it all. This child was giving him hope, as if she could've survived. _She wasn't born a nightblood, she died Bellamy, enough._

“Bellamy, are you okay? You're doing that thing again, where you almost doze off into another world. You're really good at it.” Madi teases.

“I'm thinking about that girl, the one you asked me about. That's where….” he sighs. “That's where my mind goes; to her.”

“Tell me about her, now that we started the fire.” She sits down on the log across from him and he begins to prep their dinner. He caught two small rabbits for them and he remembered exactly how to prepare them. She watches with a trained eye, as if she had seen this countless times before.

He sighs and begins with something simple. “Her name, was Clarke Griffin.”

A glimmer caught in Madi’s eye. She knows that name. Clarke feared that if Madi had ever been separated from her, that those who knew of her name could harm Madi, so instead Madi was only ever instructed to call her “Nomon” to strangers. Now that this boy was indeed the one who lived amongst the stars, she couldn't wait to hear his side. The star crossed lovers, the boy with the freckles.

“I met Clarke when I arrived on Earth. Back when I wasn't a nice guy.” He smirked a little and Madi covered her mouth from giggling too loud.

“You're too nice to be a big meanie.” Madi teased through her covered mouth.

“I was. I was the biggest meanie of them all; but Clarke...she...never took anything from me. She stood to me, she was so brave. I called her _“Brave princess.”_ She obviously didn't like that. However she became a trusted ally, she helped me lead a hundred delinquent teenagers to safety.”

Madi remembers this story very clearly. Clarke had told her a thousand times by now, it never got old. The fearless boy, who bowed to a princess with more bite than bark.

He sighs heavily. “We didn't always agree on everything, but we always saw things through _together_.”

The word stung, and so did the tears he felt in his eyes. He didn't want to cry in front of this child.

“Bellamy…” Madi whispered softly. “It's okay, to cry.”

“I'm not supposed to cry. I'm supposed to be done crying. _Damn it, Clarke._ ” He slams his fist into the log below him and chips of the bark fly in several directions.

“I'm sorry Madi.” He says genuinely. The tears kiss his cheeks, they feel warm to the midnight breeze.

“Clarke sounds wonderful.” she says again with that same child tenderness.

“She was…” he chokes back. “She is.”

Bellamy rotates the animals on the fire and goes back to slouching. His hands run through his dark curls.

“We don't have to talk about her anymore. I'm sorry Sir Bellamy.” Madi speaks apologetically.

 

“Madi don't be sorry. If anything I should be the one to apologize. I just landed and this is the last place I saw her. All those years ago; I have many regrets, some I may never be able to make better again. I live with that now, I wish I was a happier man.” Bellamy is honest and it strikes Madi in an understanding way. She's heard all of this before from Clarke. The familiar regrets, the tears and the anger.

 

She specifically remembers the night Bellamy was supposed to come home. Five years, Clarke had said. Only five and they would be home. The night he didn't come home, she had never seen Clarke cry so hard. It was because she feared she failed her mission. She had to tilt the satellite dish into position in order to power the Ark; she feared Bellamy had died before she could. She feared that maybe she didn't get to it in enough time. It was years of Clarke calling the same boy, hoping that one day he would return, his voice, _anything letting her know that he's alive. - That never came._

 

“I forgive you Bellamy.” Madi’s voice is chipper and she does what she knows helps Clarke. “I forgive you if you need that.”

 

Bellamy’s eyes widen, Madi knows she struck somewhere safe inside his heart. He lets out a small broken smile to her, letting her know that her words were good.

 

They sat in silence for awhile, the only thing to be heard was the crackling of the fire.

 

* * *

Madi was supposed to return hours ago. Clarke knew that it was a terrible idea to let her go off on her own; even if it was for simple training. She knew that Madi would be safe, she has trained her for months on end in case of this kind of situation. However, in her heart, the motherly instinct grew, she was more worried than she has ever been before.

Madi was terrified of the dark, she didn't do well in it. Dark thoughts cloud her mind over the wellbeing of Madi.

Dear god, Madi, you better be safe.

She was all Clarke had left now.

Clarke grabs all she needs to, her rifle strap swung over her shoulder.

She would find Madi, she had to.

It was all Clarke had left.

She clung to Bellamy’s jacket which now hugged her form, it helped her feel less alone. Even though he wasn't there with her to help her find Madi, it was anything, it was something to keep herself sane. His jacket, a precious belonging to her. Bellamy was always Clarke’s symbol, he was her home. Now he would help her find Madi, odds be damned.

She presses the radio on. “Bellamy...Madi has gone missing. I can't find her anywhere. I can't talk today, _I'm sorry._ ”

A loud explosion like sound rings from above. _“Nevermind….I see you.”_

A ship flies down, she can see the lights flickering on it. For a split second she holds onto hope, just as he taught her. It's dark, all she can see is what's illuminated from the craft.

Something's not right.

 

_That's not him._

 

She uses her rifle scope to look at the ship before her, the illuminated lights across the ship light up words that only sound chilling.

 

ELIGIUS CORPORATION

 

GAGARIN PRISONER TRANSPORT

 

* * *

“Raven we need to get in contact with Bellamy, now.” Murphy’s voice is rougher than usual, he's worried for his friends wellbeing.

“I can't do anything! She shouts.” They hear Clarke’s voice. “Wait, who is she seeing because that cannot be Bellamy, he landed hours ago!” Raven’s voice is one of fear, you can hear it from the pit of her throat.

“Oh God…” Murphy murmurs.

“We need to get down there...fast. I fear the worst is yet to come.” Raven snaps and her fingers go wild on the keyboard before her.

 

Murphy’s throat goes dry. 

This is a familiar sensation for the both of them, this is the Earth they remembered. 

 

_Who? Who is Clarke seeing?_

 

* * *

“Bellamy, I have to find Madi before these people do. It's a prisoner ship, I don't know where they came from or why they are here. Bellamy... _I'm afraid._ ” She breathes heavily. “I don't know when I will be able to call next, please take care of yourself and everyone up there with you.” The radio clicks off and Clarke sets off running as fast as she can. She hid the rover beneath large fallen branches in hopes they won't search the entirety of the forest floor.

 

She's quick and fast, she uses what little light she has from her flashlight. She runs and she feels her legs burn. She hopes there is a forgiving God once again.

 

She feels fear for the first time in years.

 

* * *

Madi hums with happiness as she eats her dinner. She thanks him for it several times, it makes him laugh. It's different food than what she's used to. The similarities between Bellamy and Clarke, Madi caught onto immediately, however the differences were very substantial. In this case, the cooking preferences.

 

“Is there a reason for that cheesy grin?” Bellamy teases her.

“It’s been awhile since I’ve eaten. I was with Nomon last time I had a full meal. It is also nice to try new things.” Madi smiles.

“We have a long day ahead of us, shouldn’t you rest?” Bellamy insists.

“I don’t know if I can.” Madi mumbles as she puts the stick of food down.

“Why’s that?”

“I’m afraid of the dark.” He’s heard this one before.

 

Fears control you until you face them. For a second he’s reminded of Charlotte. _Has it really been that long since…._

He shakes that thought out of his head quickly. He doesn’t want to be reminded of how long it’s been since he came to Earth, he doesn’t want to be reminded of who he used to be. He doesn’t want to be reminded of Clarke.

 

“What helps you sleep?” he asks curiously.

“I could probably sleep if I were to sit close enough to you, would you be okay with that?” Madi looks down at the ground almost as if to be ashamed of her question.

 

“If that would make you feel safe, then of course.” Bellamy’s tone is soft and cheerful. He gets up from the log he sits on and makes his way over to one of the larger Oak trees. He leans against it, one knee up and his arm propped over it.

 

Madi wastes no time to lean next to him.

He feels her still for the moment. Her breathing steadied accordingly and slowly but surely she began to doze off.

 

It was different for him. This feeling of protectiveness growing within him. This child reminded him of the people he had lost. In a funny way, he feels them with him as time passes with the young Natblida. Charlotte; the childish wonder, the curiosity of a child. His sister Octavia and what he remembers of raising her. The small things that she did, the skip in her step. The person he thinks of most is Clarke. The furrow in this child's brow when she focuses, or the glimmer in her eye. It all reminds him of Clarke.

 

Just as he takes a deep breath, he feels her little head lean against him. To his left a living being is present and warm. This child seeks protection and care from him. Up until this moment he knew that he cared for her already, but when it comes time for goodbye, he fears it will only be more difficult the more he gets to know her. He thinks that maybe it's him getting used to having another human being present. It's fresh and new and unrecognizable, maybe that's why he feels the way he does. It doesn't stop tears from trickling down his cheeks, it doesn't stop soft sobs to leave him, it doesn't stop the memories.

 

He knows that Clarke would be the same if given this opportunity; she would care for the child and seek for the home they belong to.

He thinks that when he returns her to her people, that maybe he could find a place among them. He isn't Trikru, but what he remembers of the language and the culture should do him well.

If you were to speak to the Bellamy who used to live on Earth, the man he was so long ago, he'd tell you grounders aren't trustworthy.

_Oh how he's learning the complete opposite._

Sometimes he wonders what it could have been like if he were to be given other circumstances back then; maybe if they didn't attack the dropship camp, maybe if they didn't betray Skaikru within the events of mount weather, _maybe things would be different._

_Maybe she would still be here with me._

He hits his head against the base of the tree and groans in frustration. He hates himself for the man he once was. He hates himself for loving her, he hates himself for leaving her.

Just as his mind and toxic thoughts begin to take control of him, Madi’s small hand curls into his.

“Freckles like constellations.” She murmurs.

 

He looks over to her and she's indeed asleep. The phrase confused him more than anything, what had the inner workings of her mind thought up since she met him? For a split second as he had avoided his own reflection; Bellamy had forgotten the freckles that accumulated on his face. The exposure of the planet reminds him that he is all too human, he's got dark curls and an olive complexion, his eyes are brown but feel vast and empty, he has freckles that invade all corners of his face.

 

_He's human._

 

His emotions get the better of him and his frozen touch from what once was the startling sensation of the child's warmth; his fingers curl into hers. The safety he brings her, he would let her feel it.

He would bring her home safe.

The sun rose in the east and the light was blindingly bright. He forgot just how breathtaking a sunrise was.

It woke him from his resting form. His head leaned against Madi’s and their fingers still wound tight together as they were the night before.

He always had a weakness for children. The fear of one being alone to fend for themselves, he hated that thought.

He remembers the fear that shook Octavia when inspections came around, those were looks he would never forget.

He felt like he was a monster, but around children he changed. He wasn't the man who wielded weapons, he wasn't a deadly shot. He was a man with a protective heart, a man with a gaze so cold to others, yet warm in the eyes of a child.

 

He waited for Madi to wake. Her mumbles were turning into words and slowly but surely she came to.

“Sleep well?” He asks her, looking down at her curiously. She was still leaned comfortably against him.

“I used you as a pillow!” She gasps and pulls herself away in sudden realization.

 

He laughs a heartfelt laugh, it was giddy, it was genuine. The look of stricken horror on her face for something uncontrollable as sleep, he finds it amusing.

“I'm sorry!” She shouts sleepily.

“Madi, it's alright.” He comes to from the laughter. “It's quite alright, okay? You were asleep. I didn't want to wake you.”

 

There's that familiar glimmer again as Madi roars with laughter.

“Your arm must be asleep!” She says through her giggles. “Sir Bellamy, you are indeed a foolish man for letting me sleep on your shoulder.”

“It's not my shooting arm, so it should be fine in a few hours.” He smiles. “Will you be ready to leave soon? I want to get you home to your Nomon.”

She smiles remembering her destination. “Yes I will be ready, we should get some water from the river. I heard one as we were traveling to the clearing. It shouldn't be too far North-West from here.”

“Alright.” He stands up with her and they gather what little things they have. He stomps out the fire and Madi makes a game out of putting out the flames.

“For somebody afraid of the dark you sure show no fear to the elements.” He laughs at her.

“All elements have weakness, this one is weak to Madi.” She stomps carelessly.

“Water is good for fire. It puts out the strongest of flames.” He telltales his words. “Madi is a typhoon, Madi is a Mermaid.”

“I have heard of Mermaids! Nomon tells me of them too.” She's cheerful.

Bellamy frowns a little. “Your Nomon and I seem more and more alike as time passes you know?”

“I think you two will get along great. She's strong like you.” Madi smiles and Bellamy can't help but smile too.

“Sounds great.”

 

Madi leads him in the direction of the stream and he doesn't take long there; the blueness and the bitter cold of the water, the depths remind him of familiar eyes.

 

After retrieving water from the stream and a lot of thinking on Bellamy’s part; they set off on foot. Madi remembers leaving in the direction of the sun so they head towards it. The rays as the sun rises kisses Bellamy’s cheeks and the soft breeze reminds him of what Earth used to be like. It was different now and most of the Earth proved to be uninhabitable, except this one green patch. This unbelievably beautiful patch of Earth that bloomed colors so vibrant, colors he could only dream of.

 

They walk quietly for a while and Madi’s small voice calls him once again from his thoughts, the deep ones of Clarke that seem to have planted in his mind.

 

“Do you have a picture of her?” Madi asks curiously and for the moment Bellamy stops dead in his tracks. Indeed he does; when he left and packed his things for his journey he took a few thing with him. He took a book specifically. The one he kept his drawings in. It was a leatherback book with rough pages and inside them held his imagination, people of his past, drawings of them and photos of her. He had memorized her so many times prior that drawing her became really easy. It was clockwork, it kept her alive in more than just his heart.

He sighs to himself. “Yeah I do.” He reaches for his pack, but before he can he feels the chilling sensation of a gun barrel held close to his throat.

“Don't move one more muscle, or I end you and her right here.” The voice is rough and unrecognizable. The fear in Madi’s face as a man has her held in the same way. They kneel them down.

“Alright, take it easy.” Bellamy replies in the calmest way he can. “We don't want any trouble.”

“Where are you from?” The man behind him demands.

“I returned here from the Ark station that orbits Earth. I used to live here long ago. She is from here, born and raised. We mean you no harm.” He speaks calmly and his eyes don't leave Madi’s. She's terrified and the chilling look on her face makes his insides boil.

“They don't seem of use to us.” The man holding Madi tells the man that has Bellamy held.

“Search them, we take them with us. They could be valuable assets.” Madi whimpers in fear to this and Bellamy moves in the man’s hold.

“Take me, just please don't hurt her.” He pleads and Madi shakes her head.

“Lock them up on the ship. I'll decide what to do with them later.” The man hauls Bellamy to his feet and they handle Madi in the same fashion.

“Don't be so goddamn rough with her.” Bellamy growls as they are both shoved in the direction of cages.

“You got a smart mouth kid, smart mouths get into trouble with me.” He has a gun to his throat once again and Bellamy can't help but smirk.

The man's knee comes crashing into Bellamy's gut and he hurls over in pain. He’s pulled by his hair to look into the stranger's eyes.

“Fool” was his only words before Bellamy feels a fist connect with his jaw.

He's thrown into the cage with Madi and it grows dark around them as she scrambles to meet Bellamy who's curled and wheezing in pain.

 

The door slams shut as the light follows out.

“Madi.” Bellamy breathes heavily.

He can hear soft cries, he can feel her tiny hands around his face as his head lays near her lap now.

 

“It's okay, it's alright.” He says softly. His hands are cuffed behind him, he hardly realized when he was cuffed in the first place. It was his weakness, so many years of pain, he hardly felt anything at all. He used a comfortable position to pull his legs through his cuffs so they now sit at his front. He brings his hands up to hers and the cold shackles rub against his skin.

“Bellamy _I'm scared._ ” She says softly.

“I won't let anything happen to you, I promise.” Those words out of his mouth are familiar ones. They hit home.

He wouldn't let anything happen to her; these savages be damned.

He'd rip their throats out if he so much as caught a glance of harm to her.

They better pray for a forgiving God, if there is one. He’d see them in hell.

 

Those words left a familiar sting in the back of his throat, he’s said them long before to a man he hopes to never see again.

 

Now this Earth is the one he remembers.


	4. Reunion.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He feels her.  
> He smells her.  
> It's her, she's real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's been a long time coming and I know a lot of you have been patiently waiting for this reunion so without further ado: here it is.  
> This chapter was painful to write, but I did it in such a way where I want you to truly feel exactly what the characters are feeling.  
> I hope you enjoy. xx

_It’s so dark in here, but I close my eyes, and I see you._

_There you are, my only light._

_When will you come home to me, my dear?_

_My mother told me once a long time ago, that falling in love feels like floating on clouds; but why can't I stop falling? I’m in a pit of darkness and I’m falling faster and faster as the days go by. You were my light, you are my light._

_My light is going out, and I’m still falling._

_The emptiness that is me, the darkness surrounds me._

_I only give it a moment or two longer, before I am gone._

_Before there is nothing left of me._

_Here I am, the demon left over._

_There is no light, but how is that so if it always burns?_

_Why does it always burn._

 

The darkness surrounds Bellamy, mind and soul, and all he can physically feel is the cold floor and the shaking and trembling that racks the small body next to him. She fell asleep from pure exhaustion and her body took hold of needed sleep, but Bellamy stays wide awake, holding her to keep whatever body heat he had from disappearing. He tucks her under his handcuffs and her body is held close between his legs. Somebody so pure and innocent, a child with no intention but to love her Nomon and get home to her promptly. She’s now stuck in a hell hole, awaiting whatever is to come for them.

He doesn’t know where they are being held or why, but he knows nobody will touch her under his protection.

He leans against the cold wall and he no longer struggles with his chains. Madi took ten minutes to calm him down from his adrenaline high. He rubbed his cuffs so tight to his wrists they were bleeding and burning. This isn’t the first time he had done such a thing, but the stinging sensation hurts no less the second time around.

He was yelling and smashing his fists against the solid door that kept them from the outside world. Anything to get the attention of the men who had taken them.

He wonders if his sister and the others had encountered these people before, and that they were being used as hostages or bargaining tools with the rest of Skaikru and the grounders. Need he remind himself that they were more than likely one clan now, but his old traditions and mindset made it difficult to think of them as one. Given that he had been so used to war and separation, placing what was left of the thirteen clans into one official clan was almost Alien-like. He’d like to think that his sister had helped make the grounders and Skaikru better people, that the mindset would change when his sister took hold of the leadership role, but he didn’t know. Bellamy didn’t know who was alive, he didn’t know much of anything about Earth at all. It humoured him that he mirrored much of the man he once was, back when he first landed on Earth.

When Madi attempted to calm him down, she took hold of his face and looked him directly in the eyes; what he could see, what he could feel, she was trembling. All she had to say was “What would Clarke do?” that calmed him, it put him in a state of numbness, it made him truly think. _What would Clarke do?_

It depends on what mood Clarke was in, but the Clarke he remembered clearest would think logically, she would analyze her situation and find the easiest route to safety. She would search for a way to negotiate with the enemy, while carefully deciding a backup plan if all else fails and she would have to use force instead.

For the moment he remembers her with Lincoln, how he chose to use physical force to get information out of him. She would sit there and plead for hours if he had let her. They were so different early on, their ideas of leadership differed to the degree of yelling matches on the occasion, challenging each other, encouraging each other. It developed and progressed over time. It went from undoubted hate, to appreciation and encouragement, to unmeasured love.

God did Bellamy ever fall in love with her quickly, he fell so fast, he’s been falling ever since.

As he sits here with this child, he wonders, how much she would’ve loved Madi. How knowledgeable she would be under these circumstances, how convincing she would be to the men who threw them in here. She had a gift and she was able to negotiate well and she could handle things under pressure with relative ease. A fast and logical decision maker, the brain, whereas Bellamy would always be the heart. They say without the two, one will not function properly. Here he was, maybe half the head she would ever be, but still all heart for the tiny girl who sits in his arms, and what memory was left of his beloved.

 

“Bellamy…” Madi mumbles into his shirt.

“Hey sleepy head, you alright?” he says softly, maintaining that child like tone to dampen the harsh reality the child has been faced with.

“You’re a good pillow, so I slept okay.” she smiles up at him, and what little light he has from the cracks of the four corners of this room, he see’s it shimmer in her eyes.

“Have the bad guys gone yet?” she cradles herself as close as possible to him, fearing his response.

“For now, yes. We will get out of here, or at least you will. I promise.” he says again maintaining that same soft tone.

“No, Bellamy, no you have to come with me, I won’t let them take you either.” she raises her voice and he shushes her accordingly.

“Madi, listen to me.” he holds her tight. “If something happens to me, if they let you go, I want you to run.” those familiar words, it stings. _“If something happens to me.”_

“We will give them something in exchange for us, it will work I swear it!” her naiveness, given this situation in the eyes of a child, anything is possible. When realistically, there is no way both of them are getting out of here. In the past few hours-however long they’ve been kept here, he’s had a lot of time to think about the possibilities.

 

None of them are looking good. He’s not leaving here alive. A good swallow of his demons, a good fight to live, it wouldn’t matter anylonger. He’d be free, something he’s wanted for so long.

When death knocks, it doesn’t knock quietly. He’s escaped it for so long, he knows his fate.

He’s had to deal with the demons of his past, the dark figures that aid in clouding his future. He’s seen them before, they meet him in his dreams.

 

He hopes that when death knocks, when it calls, he’d finally see _her._  

 

“Madi, please. Trust me it’s going to be alright. When I get you out of here, I need you to run as fast as you can and as far away as you can. I don’t want you, under any circumstances, to look back at me.” He looks her in the eye now, she’s close and petrified to the thought of a world without him.

Bellamy knows much in the way a child’s mind works, it’s far different than an adult. Children grow attached to human beings far quicker than your average adult would, so the thought of not having Bellamy to leave with her, the thought of being alone again, terrified her.

“I don’t want you to, I want you to see Nomon, I want you to live.” That stings, God it hurts. He wants to live too, even if his motivation is so little. He promised he’d live for her, and he wonders why he’s preparing himself for death.

“I know Madi, but I need you to trust me, can you trust me?” He gets her to nod with him and her eyes fill with tears.

“I know you’re afraid, but it will be okay. It will always be okay.” He smiles at her, and she needs this.

“What do we do, when they come to get us?” she asks, her voice full of fear, she’s still trembling.

“Well first, you know how you call me Bell?” she nods in response. “I don’t want them to know who you are, so I will call you a nickname too. - Got any ideas?”

She hums in thought, unsure of what she wishes to be called and before she could think of something, he answers with one that’s catchy enough to work. “How does Mimi sound?”

She grins “I like it. It’s like how I call Nomon, just Nomon to strangers, that’s until she meets them.”

“I don’t want them to know who you are, I want to keep you safe. I don’t care if they know who I am, just so long as they don’t know who you are.” He grins back.

“So when they come, we stick to nicknames, then what?” Madi frowns.

“We listen to them. Chances are they will want information from me, so I’ll tell them whatever I need to, to keep us safe.” He’s been down this road before, this isn’t the first time he’s been held hostage. “Whatever happens to me, don’t fight it. - Alright?”

 

Madi is hesitant to agree, but she knows now more than ever that if she fights it, things could end up worse for them. She holds tight to Bellamy, in hopes that the time doesn’t pass quickly, she’s afraid and he’s her only salvation.

 

She wishes Clarke was here and she knows that Bellamy does too.

 

_God, what now?_

 

What feels like hours pass, and Bellamy dozes in and out of sleep. Madi tells him to rest and he complies with more ease than normal, he has a feeling he knows what will await him come morning light.

He’s been waiting for years.

He knows he doesn’t get out of this alive.

When he’s woken up, he’s being yanked to his feet by two different men. The feeling of the cold cuffs against his burns, the ones he gave himself from struggling to get free, the flesh reopens and he hisses from the contact. His captors chuckle and take pleasure from ripping the child from him.

“Whatever you want…you get from me.” Bellamy says in a low and husky tone. “You leave her alone.” he now hisses, it’s a warning.

“Last time I checked, I don’t take orders from you, scum.” A man towers over him now, his hand connects with Bellamy’s face and the slapping of skin on skin is all Madi can hear. They’ve covered her eyes now with a cloth of some kind.

“I can give you all the information you desire, she’s a child. Leave her out of this, how mature of you to involve a child in adult affairs. What do you want your men to think of you? - Worthless, no good.” Bellamy plays at the man making sure to direct all attention away from Madi. He has to be a distraction, a hassle. Once they become preoccupied with him, they will no longer care for Madi, which is what Bellamy had planned all along.

“Smart mouth over here is going to get what’s coming to him.” The man who has him restrained tugs harder on his cuffs and Bellamy refuses to wince.

“I’m telling you, I can give you all the information you want. Just let her go.” He tries a reasoning tone next and the man in front of him almost pities him.

“What, got nothing to live for, boy?” He yanks on Bellamy’s hair to get him to look in his direction, Bellamy clenches his teeth harder than he ever has before, his eyes show no sign of will to live, his glare is cold and a thousand things are running through his mind. “Deciding to throw your life away for your daughter?”

 

Bellamy frowns at this, and grows a smirk. “It’d be worth it, but what would you know? Not like you know honor.” The man's knee connects to Bellamy’s stomach and he topples over, only to be yanked to stand once again. His forehead hit the metal floor hard, he’s bleeding in the same spot where he received his cut from the crash landing. He can hear Madi whimpering in fear. Her head turns left, then right quickly. She goes alias rather quickly, remembering that name calling is important, she has to keep up a front. She has to trust Bellamy, like Clarke did before her.

“Mimi.” He starts. “It’s alright.”

“Empty promises.” The man's fist connects with Bellamy’s face again.

“God you’re a bunch of idiots, this is not how you interrogate people, would you please figure you’re shit out, we’ll be here all night.” Maybe Bellamy’s sarcasm isn’t warranted, maybe it’s unnecessary and foolish, but he can’t help it. He’s been here tons of times, this wasn’t going how they planned it to, if they had a plan at all, they were amateurs, _they didn’t know shit._

“What the hell do you want to know, just Goddamn well ask me already. You’re starting to piss me off.” Bellamy spits.

“You’re really a little spit fire, you know that? You ground people are interesting. I want to know where your camp is.” Bellamy laughs at this, truly laughs.

He can hear Madi crying now. “You do realize the earth was scorched in flames, right?” Bellamy scoffs. “I don’t know where camp is, we move on foot, place to place. Which is what you found us doing. Now we’re here. So let her go.” He demands.

“I wish it was that simple, but it isn’t. If I let you both go, you will tell your people which are undoubtedly hiding, awaiting orders from you.” The man tilts Bellamy’s chin to look at him before hitting him once again, each blow harder, _he doesn’t care, he never did._

_He knows pain, it’s a different kind, but in the end? It’s all the same. It all burns._

 

Bellamy chuckles. “She doesn’t speak English, like I said, she’s useless in this situation. She’s a mere child, _let her go._ ”

“What does she speak?” The man quirks his brow.

“It’s not a language from the past.” Bellamy answers. “I’m from the sky, just like you. I came down here six years ago, but had to flee. The power plants people built, or generations of our people built, broke down. It caused a death wave of fire that scaled the planet. That’s why half the planet is ash still, it’s hardly habitable.” He’s never felt so tired of somebody in a short period of time, who were these people anyway? where did they come from, if they came from space? 

“Let her live.” he demands. “Take me instead.” Madi cries in protest but she’s silenced by a third man who’s holding her, his hand covers her mouth.

“Man to man, please.” His eyes wander to her and the man before him understands, even for just the moment, what it feels to be a guardian to a child.

“Is the child yours?” The man asks him.

“Yes, not officially, but she’s my child. She’s lost and I took care of her, she’s innocent and has no idea where her people are, she’s been lost for years on her own. The people of Earth know how to take care of themselves at a young age, she hid away in a bunker, an old laboratory, that’s all I know.” Bellamy’s voice changes to something softer, the longer he looks at Madi, the worse it gets. He just wants her to be safe, that’s all he’s ever wanted.

“If you don’t let her go....” his voice changes, he grows angry quickly. His voice is dangerous and his tone is a warning. “I will make this worse for you, I can promise you this.”

He receives another destructive blow, this time he feels cracking in his lungs. He coughs hard, blood flies out of his mouth onto the floor before him. “What do you wish to do, fight me in shackles?”

“No, but I won't go down easy. That wouldn’t be ideal in front of your men, now would it?” A wicked and bloody grin grows on Bellamy’s face and the three men in the room exchange glances.

“Fine, I will let the child go. As for you, smart mouth, when I’m done with you, as I know you know more than you’re letting off; you’re as good as dead.” Bellamy is thrown against the wall and Madi is tossed to the floor, the three men exit, following one after the other. Madi removes her blindfold and quickly scrambles over to Bellamy, his shirt is bloody and torn now, his face covered in that same blood. Her hands are on his cheeks now, her soft cries to echo the room around them.

“You’re going to get yourself killed.” She cries. “Bellomi please don’t do this for me.” The grounder accent is a kiss to his wounds, the way she pronounces his name now, something about it, _hurts._

“Nonsense” he laughs. “You’re worth it.”

“No, I’m not. I can’t do this, no please. I don’t want to go without you, you haven’t _seen_ Nomon yet.” Her voice is weary and sad, he knows how much she’s grown on him.

“Madi, I told you. When they let you go, you run and you don’t look back. - You don’t look back.” He’s sure to emphasize his words and she nods sadly.

 

She cradles herself inside his hold, he rocks her slowly to calm her down. A small window at the top of the door slides open for a moment to reveal cold eyes. “One more talk, you give him information, then your execution is set for dawn. - He can’t let you both live, your life in exchange for your child.” Bellamy only nods, he knows how this goes. They don’t think Madi is of any threat or value, which is what he wanted from the beginning, a clear name. She will go back to her mother, forget about Bellamy, and grow up living peacefully. He hopes these people will learn the harsh punishment from trespassing in grounder territory, he hopes there’s enough of them to show these invaders just what kind of people they’ve crossed.

 

Bellamy closes his eyes.

_I’ll see you soon, Clarke._

 

He’s woken again in a similar fashion, they yank him to his feet and beat him as if he were a rag doll. They ask him questions upon questions: Where his “camp” is, where the laboratory is, where he’s from, where his people are. It’s all questions he’s essentially been asked before, he returns the same words to them and they lash out with every sarcastic remark. He doesn’t mind, because now all the attention is on him. They drag him down the halls alongside a blindfolded Madi. Bellamy feels her small hand wrap around his arm, she’s shaking uncontrollably, they don’t remove her from him.

Bellamy is pulled out into a clearing with Madi kneeled next to him. The light hurts his bruised eyes and the look of stricken horror when Madi’s blindfold is removed proves that they did quite a number on Bellamy. Bruises littered his body, he’s got a black eye forming, blood still kissed his body as if it were fresh. That same cut she remembers seeing on him is reopened.

 

She tries to mouth words and he shakes his head. “It’s okay…” he mumbles. “It’s alright.”

“We will let the child go.” The man announces as they begin to remove her shackles that bind her. “As for you, _Bellamy Blake of the sky._ \- It won't go as well for you.”

Madi’s eyes lock with his and her small hands find the sides of his face. Her forehead leans against his and he smiles softly with the energy he has left. “Mebi oso na hit choda op nodotaim.” It’s what he remembers of Trigedasleng, a small bit. For her to hear her own language come from Bellamy hurts her. She hears all too familiar words.

_May we meet again._

She’s heard them before in her language, she’s heard them before when Clarke called Bellamy, she’d tell him that they may meet again, that they will meet again.

Madi shakes her head and her voice breaks “no..” she chokes on her cries, this is too much for him. With silent words his eyes speak a profound nature, she’s ripped from him and tossed to the ground away from him, he moves protectively to her and winces when he’s yanked back by his hair.

She looks once at him before his eyes give her a warning. _Like I told you, run and don’t look back, it’s okay. I’ll be okay. Madi look at me, I’m alright._

She nods as if she could hear his thoughts, she knows Bellamy enough from dreams and stories, she knows him well enough now to know that he’s telling her to do. She listens and she stumbles, tears pour down her face as she leaves the clearing into the far bushes to the North.

She doesn’t know how far she runs, she can’t stop thinking about Bellamy, he’s going to die because of her. It’s all her fault.

As she runs she hardly ducks away from branches, she can’t think straight, as she’s running she hits something hard and stumbles backwards.

 

“Madi?” the voice is familiar, it’s Clarke.

“Oh thank God you’re safe, what’s wrong?” she can see the pain written on Madi’s face, a small scar to kiss below her right eye. “Madi what’s wrong, what happened to you?” Her voice is full of complete worry now as she grows protective in the state of current events. She's never seen Madi this afraid before.

“They…” Madi manages half a thought through her tears. Clarke knows immediately that Madi is referring to the strangers who landed earlier, she's been watching the settlements while searching for Madi. So far she's noticed four separate settlements, they are preparing to search the lands, Clarke took note of this and searched double time for Madi.

“It's okay, you're safe.” Clarke cradled her.

“They have Bellamy!” She manages through her tears. “we have to go, we have to save him.”

Clarke can't believe her ears, they start to ring as the world around her turns into a dizzy, faint like dream.

“He found me, I found him. He saved me, he gave up his life for me! They're going to kill him Clarke, we have to do something!” Madi yanks on Clarke's arm and Clarke is willed in the direction she's being pulled in.

 

_Can it be, is he here? Is he real?_

God, she feels the burn in her thighs and she runs as fast as she can, retracing Madi’s steps. In this short period of time, Bellamy found and looked after Madi, _somehow_.

Now she's running for her life and his. She knows it's him, it has to be, she's told Madi thousands of stories and she's drawn his freckled face a thousand times now. Madi couldn't be mistaken, this is real.

She scans the clearing with the scope of her rifle and her eyes widen, her palms grow sweaty, her heart races and her entire body goes warm and numb.

 

_It's him._

_It's Bellamy._

 

He looks almost the same as he used to, just with a small amount of age to his face. He still gets her heart racing.

She scans the area around him. A man has a knife to his neck and he appears to be speaking to Bellamy. From the smirk on his face he doesn't seem to care. Madi covers her mouth in fear. She lets out a small noise and carefully muffles it in case it were to be heard.

“Clarke what do we do...we have to do something!” Madi shakes Clarke out of the trance she's in. She's afraid, the man she loves is right before her and one wrong move... _he could die._

She feels blood in her ears, and her cheeks aflame in anger. He's been beaten senseless, she knows why. He protected Madi and more than likely remained the smart ass that he is, he was never one for negotiating with others, that was Clarke's job.

“Madi, I need you to call to him. Call his name. Hide in this bush and call his name, the men holding him will look around and I will use my rifle and take them out.” She looks at Madi, fierce blue in her eyes. This look is different for Clarke. Madi isn't used to this, she knew once Clarke got him in her sights, she'd do what she could to be by his side.

They would save Bellamy _together_.

 

* * *

“Any last words?” The man yanks on his hair and slides the blade just slightly over his neck. It hardly reveals blood.

“Not to you.” He mumbles.

All Bellamy can think of is Clarke. He closes his eyes, willing them shut one last time. This was it, this was the final moment before life is finally ripped from his fingertips. He awaited this moment, he knew that one day it would arrive. He's escaped death far too much.

 

He hopes that when Raven and the others come down, they handle these men once and for all.

 

_Clarke...I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I'm not the man I should have been._

_I left you to die and I'm so sorry._

_In another life, will you love me?_

_I hope that one day._

_We will meet again._

 

As his final thoughts of golden hair and the bluest of topaz eyes leave him, the sound of Madi’s voice calls him. He thinks he may be dead already, he may be dreaming. She's soft and she calls to him, the world around him goes white.

 

“Bellamy!” He hears it louder this time. Loud gunshots pierce skin and for the moment he thinks it's his, before his eyes peek open to the blinding light of the sun above, the world around him is bright.

 

Bodies litter around him, the men who had him held were dead. He scrambles for the keys off a body to uncuff himself, before his eyes scan the horizon.

There stands Madi waving frantically, a smile kisses her cheeks.

Maybe she found help.

When that help emerges from the bushes, he can't believe his eyes.

A chill sends down his spine and it feels a lot like a stinging sensation.

His jaw locks and his eyes remain wide in disbelief. He has to be dead, there's no way.

A face equal to his mirrors before him.

 

_It's Clarke._

_She's not real, she can't be._

_Bellamy you're out of your goddamn mind._

 

But his eyes don't leave her.

She walks closer and he hesitates as he rises to his feet with a stumble, he wonders when the world around him will go white, he feels the tips of his ears burning.

 

_This isn't real._

_Why does everything burn._

He feels it now, sobs shake him uncomfortably.

_“Why”_ He shouts, his knees give in and they hit the ground hard.

_“Stay right there, I know I’m dead, Please God, I'm so sorry Clarke. Please forgive me.”_ His hands are in his hair, he doesn't believe his eyes, he can't, he's dead and here she is to greet him on the other side. He's thought about her, every single day he has lived without her. Never would he guess that he wasn't ready for it, he thought he was truly ready.

He thought he was ready for the day he'd see her again. So many nights he’d dream of her, so many nights he would torture himself to the thought of a future with her.

 

She stops dead in her tracks, the man before her is a man she knows all too well. She's seen this before, long ago, the man who thinks he's a monster. She's seen him in this state before, he saved her so long ago, while fighting his own demons. She worried that he’d blame himself for it all, and he did.

 

“Bellamy.” She says softly, it catches his attention and he looks up to where she stands, she's still far from him but her voice carries like a melody.

“Clarke...are you real? You're not real - this can't be.” He rises from where he knelt, his body is weak but he feels nothing.

She smiles. “I'm real.” The tears glisten in her eyes and she begins to walk toward him again.

 

He looks briefly around him and takes a step forward before he sets off running to her. She equals his pace and her body crashes into his with full force.

 

_He feels her._

_He smells her._

_It's her, she's real._

 

One of his arms wrap around her body as she's held in the air from where she had launched herself at him. Her legs come around his waist and one of his hands snake to the back of her head. Broken sobs leave her.

 

“You're real.” He breathes into her hair, and it's an equal broken sob to escape with it.

He's never cried so hard before.

“ _Yes, yes I'm real._ ” She exclaims.

 

He holds tight and he can feel her shaking. Six years of thinking she's dead, six years of wishing he could relive that night, six years.

 

Six whole years.

 

Now here she is, in his arms. For the first time since he lost her, he feels home again.

 

“You're real” he repeats and he pulls her from him to get a full look at her. That same shimmer in her eyes, the blue depths he gets lost in. His fingers come to her jawline and his thumbs brush against her rosy complexion.

“I'm real.” She nods as her fingers play at his neck.

“Clarke...I” he tries to speak and she shakes her head.

 

He feels one swift motion, and her lips are on his. He chases it, he _feels_ it.

She's here in his arms, Clarke is alive, the woman he loves is here.

He deepens the kiss and his hands find themselves tangled in her short hair.

 

She lets go of the kiss and he gently lets her down, though he doesn't remove his hold from her and neither does she. He looks into her eyes and gentle touches of his rough hands on her cheeks tell her that he still can't believe his eyes. God she's as beautiful as he remembers. 

 

“Clarke…” he mumbles.

“If you need forgiveness, I'll give that to you. You're forgiven, Bellamy.” She repeats familiar words and his eyes search hers, he nods slowly, hesitant to forgive himself for all he has done.

“Welcome home.” She smiles.

 

He can't find words.

 

She's real.


	5. Forgiveness.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His hand comes up to the side of her face, and he brushes her short curls back fondly, with a sad half smile. “I thought I left you to die.”
> 
> “It had to be done.” a tear trickles down the side of her face and he wipes it with the pad of his thumb.
> 
> It had to be done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank everyone for the patience you've had over the past few months. I can't excuse my absence entirely, but I can say it's been difficult for me to write for this past little while. I want to apologize for the delay, but a lot of health issues mentally and physically, have made it very difficult for me to write. I almost felt like I disconnected from the few stories I've written, and it's taken me some time to reconnect, and now here I am to continue the stories I've decided to write.
> 
> I believe I'm going to end it here, I may continue it in the near future. 
> 
> Thank you. xx

Clarke holds onto Bellamy like he is the very lifeline himself. The veins in her body, the soul purpose of her existence is finally in her arms. His broken laugh, his visible tears. In the wake of the destruction around them, all of the bodies lay littered with marks of death to kiss every inch of them. 

 

Clarke didn't know if Bellamy was alive, and now that she stands there in his arms, she's unsure of why she ever doubted him in the first place. When Clarke took off in search of Madi, she hoped to find her tiny Natblida unharmed, little did she realize that she would be lead straight into the arms of the man she's been waiting for, for six years. 

 

Somehow, miraculously, the child who's given Clarke newfound reason to live, has lead her to the first reason she wanted to keep living after Praimfaya, Bellamy Blake. She held onto hope as he taught her, she counted the days carving them on the inside of the rover.

After the bliss of it all subsided, Bellamy’s hold loosens around Clarke and his eyes all but land on Madi. 

 

“Looks like Mimi has a lot of explaining to do.” He crosses his arms and a wicked grin greets his face. Clarke had never seen such a sight play before her. She exchanged glances between Madi and Bellamy, and continued to watch quietly. She was all too astounded. Too bewildered to speak. A connection was made between them in the last few days, she can feel it. 

 

“I'm sorry Bell, I just...Clarke’s been talking about you for as long as I can remember. So when I finally met the boy with freckles like constellations, and the heart and soul of a lion, I just had to see this unfold.” Madi nodded apologetically, she closed the space between herself and Bellamy, all but a man who used to be mysterious, coming undone in the child's arms before her. When she wraps her tiny arms around him, he's reminded of what it feels like to love so much, you desire to protect, no matter the cost. He's reminded of how he raised Octavia, and suddenly, Madi was now a precious person to him. 

“I'm so glad you're okay Bellamy. I was so scared, I thought you were dead.” A small sob shook the girl as Bellamy knelt down to hug her properly. His hand held her small head, and he cradled her with protection. 

 

Clarke didn't know what to make of the scene, but her eyes don't leave Bellamy. From what she had just observed, it's very clear to her that Bellamy found Madi over the last few days, and sought to bring her home to her “Nomon” - as Clarke had taught her years prior, that under no circumstances will she mention Skaikru, or Wanheda, or even the name Clarke Griffin. It was more for protection purposes, her old memories and sins left with the names she chooses to forget. This way when the world restores all it can, Clarke could start anew. 

Somewhere as she gets lost in her thoughts, a voice pulls her back. 

“Clarke, I'm sorry I left….but I was safe under Bellamy’s protection.” Madi turned to Clarke expecting wrath, instead she let out a gentle smile. It was Bellamy’s turn to watch Clarke intently, he caught her gaze at every second. There were so many things left unsaid; so much to say, but where would they even begin? 

 

“That's okay, Madi. I’m just glad you’re safe. I was really worried.” She says with a smile so genuine. “The boy with the freckles kept you safe, didn't he? He used to keep me safe like that too.” 

 

Topaz eyes met the earthiest of browns. The glimmer in her eyes still matching his. He slowly nodded, letting his eyes say what he couldn't for now. 

 

_ I knew, somehow I knew deep down in my heart, that you were alive. Be it the afterlife, or you visiting me in my dreams. You were always there.  _

 

“He did, and boy did he miss you.” Madi nudges Bellamy in the stomach and a light flush greets his cheekbones mixing with the cold morning air. He looks away, embarrassed. 

 

Clarke smiled again, this time at Bellamy. “Well I guess we have a lot of stories to share, now don't we?” Clarke nods her head in the direction he only guessed was the home they had. After looting what they could from the ship, he followed along behind Madi, letting her skip and tell him stories about her training sessions with Clarke. His hands in his pockets, and his mind running in circles. He can feel Clarke next to him, her presence all the more overwhelming now that it's no longer a dream. She's real. 

 

The child skipped before them through the long blades of grass, and Clarke walked along next to him so peacefully. 

 

“You know Bellamy, I will say this. You are most definitely-almost everything Clarke said you would be.” Madi gives a cheeky grin and Bellamy quirks his brow in Clarke's direction. 

“Dare I ask.” He responds dryly, 

“This Bellamy is cooler, Clarke. I like him. I'm just finally glad I get to meet him, I haven't been waiting for years or anything.” Madi teases and Bellamy looks over to Clarke now as they walk at an even pace. Some things never change and the synchronization of their movements clearly haven't.

“I found Madi a year after Praimfaya, she was very young. I raised her. She’s a nightblood, it’s how she survived, it’s how  _ we _ survived.” Clarke answers the question on Bellamy’s face and he nods in clear understanding. 

“I told her that her Nomon sounded very wise, very smart. Now that it's you, I can't say I'm surprised; she’s just like you.” He smiled softly as fond memories of Clarke showed in his mind for good measure. 

It's silent for a little while as a content smile hangs on Clarke's lips. the sound of Madi’s humming could be heard, with a small glance of happiness to beam at Bellamy from her. 

“How did you survive Praimfaya.” Bellamy allowed the elephant in the room to make a true appearance. He had to know. 

All this time Bellamy thought he left her to die, these were questions that couldn't wait. 

 

“After I aligned the cell tower.” She begins hesitantly. “I made it back in just enough time to protect myself in the laboratory. I'll say, I was hanging by a thread. I got exposed to radiation like I had never experienced before, even while testing the nightblood solution. However miraculously, I healed from the nightblood.” 

That's where the dried blood had come from that Bellamy had seen in Becca’s lab, it all connected and made sense now. 

 

“After a year on my own, I found Madi. She had been abandoned in the wake of Praimfaya, so I took her under my wing and taught her all I know about the people of the sky, the people of the thirteen clans, the people I love and those I lost.” Her voice trailed off to almost silence and Bellamy nodded along in complete understanding. 

“You forgot the part where you called Bellamy, every single day.” Madi teases, and Clarke could feel her cheeks go red. While Madi smiled confidently, Bellamy stopped dead in his tracks. 

“What is it?” Clarke stopped too. 

“You called me, every day?” He asked her, his palms growing sweaty and his mind taking him to familiar damaging places. 

“Two thousand, one hundred and ninety nine days and counting.” She smiled and the softness in her eyes tell him more than she did in that moment. 

 

He nodded and continued walking, his hands still stuffed in his pockets, his mind asking a thousand questions that only time could answer. It would be redundant and obnoxious to ask every question that came to mind. He registers that this was all but difficult to Clarke as well; she's relied on the void of a connectionless radio, and hope. Those were luxuries he didn't even have. He lost hope, he gave up and accepted his sins. Well; truthfully not accepting, but coming to terms with the fact that Bellamy Blake left Clarke Griffin to die. 

 

All of his haunting memories, his inability to accept himself and how often he closed himself off, it was all because he couldn't hear the voice she desperately used to call him, for  _ two thousand, one hundred and ninety nine day _ s. 

 

More than anything he wanted to apologize for leaving her; tell her that he didn't want to, and that it was an influential decision that he made with his head. The first one he had made since she told him to. It was something he has struggled to live with since it happened. He would mumble the words  _ “may we meet again”  _ knowing he never would. Now here he was, brushing arms with the woman he could only find in his dreams, the woman trying to ease his demons. 

 

Madi’s humming filled the silence between them. As much as Bellamy was the happiest he had ever been, he knew things had changed between them. They were two different people now, it had to. - Maybe it was his inability to just  _ speak. _ The inner workings of his mind desperately trying to find something to say, instead he decides that patience with himself would be his best bet, it was the only thing he could do right now to prevent him from saying the wrong thing. 

 

_ What could be the wrong thing anymore? He didn’t even know that.  _

 

_ “Bellamy”  _ Madi says sweetly as she calls him from his thoughts. 

 

He looks to her and gives her a small grateful smile. She slows down to walk alongside him. Clarke notices very early, just how much Madi truly trusts Bellamy. Whatever had happened to them, opened her up to him. Between these last few days and all of Clarke’s stories, she truly knew him in a lot of ways now - even more than Clarke. 

 

“What’s it like to be so tall?” Madi takes his hand and puts it atop her head. 

Bellamy wiggles her hat out of place with his hand. “What’s it like to be so short?” 

“I don’t know, Clarke what’s it like to be so short?” Madi snorted as her hand came up to her face. Bellamy couldn’t hold back a laugh. 

Clarke grinned at the two of them. “I’ll have you know Madi, you’re shorter than us both.” 

“Not by much!” Madi whined gesturing her height to Clarke’s. 

“You’re both short” Bellamy replied, stifling back his laughter. 

 

_ So much left to say...so much to say...so much… _

 

_ Does she even know me anymore, I’m not the man I was….I’m not him.  _

 

“Hey Madi, ready to see something fantastic?” Clarke said through the laughter, and Bellamy’s brows furrowed in response. 

“Hey wait for me!” Bellamy calls out to the girls who are now in full sprint ahead of him.

He chases after them and he hears the laughter coming from Madi and follows it. He’s adjusting to life on Earth once again. Running, the cool breeze on his skin, the smell of the forest around him. All of his senses being overwhelmed by the powerful feeling of love once again. It’s radiant, it makes him embrace what he didn’t. 

 

He scans the wide open space and his eyes land on Clarke “No way” he mumbles as his eyes widen in surprise.

 

“Tada!” Madi cheers. 

Behind the two girls sits his Rover. A little beat up, clearly all too damaged, but the same nonetheless. 

“I thought you might miss this old thing, so I kept it and used it, hoping one day when you came back...I’d get this reaction.” Clarke’s cheeks are a tint of pink, and she smiles at him with pure joy. He returns that smile and closes the space between him and the two girls to finally get a good look at the rover. 

 

He runs his hands along the exterior of the old machine, and he smiles when he notices Clarke is watching him. 

“We made it a mobile home. When we travel for supplies we take it. We try not to use it too often, because what’s left of Arkadia has little to no oil to gas this thing up.” Clarke says softly as she admires the man before her. 

 

“No way...I can’t believe this thing still works after everything we put it through.” He laughs and Madi joins him.

“Yeah, some of the many stories I’ve heard.” Madi smiles wildly. 

“Alright. Let’s head out. As much as this is incredible, the threat hasn’t changed. Hop in the back Madi.” Clarke orders in a motherly tone, and Bellamy watches her in complete awe. 

“I haven’t driven in a while.” Bellamy teases. 

 

“That’s okay, I’m sure you’re still better at driving than me anyway.” Clarke smiles fondly.

 

“That’s right, you almost hit me that one time…..” Bellamy puts his finger to his chin and pretends to reminisce. 

Clarke swats at his arm and he lets out that gorgeous laugh she’s been hearing quite often since his arrival. 

 

_ Since when did Bellamy laugh, and why hadn’t she ever heard it before? _

 

They hear the back door of the rover lock shut, and Bellamy turns the keys in the ignition. The rumble of the machine, the humming, so many familiar things coming back at once.

 

“Show me the way, Princess.” 

* * *

The drive is longer, but once they arrive, Bellamy is pleased to see the small life they’ve made for each other. Three small huts made of branches, mud and debris. It was small and quaint, but he could see just how at home they truly were. It made Bellamy happy to know that Clarke didn’t spend all of this time alone.

 

“It’s small, but it works for us.” Clarke answers his thoughts as they both watch Madi unload some things from the rover. 

 

“Madi knew about me this entire time….” Bellamy mumbles.

“I may have told her stories…...hundreds of stories.” Clarke says fondly.  “I couldn’t let my memories die with Praimfaya. I didn’t know if I failed you all….” her voice sounds sad now, and he turns to her. 

His hand comes up to the side of her face, and he brushes her short curls back fondly, with a sad half smile. “I thought I left you to die.” 

“It had to be done.” a tear trickles down the side of her face and he wipes it with the pad of his thumb.

“Everything's unloaded, lets eat! I’m starving.” Madi calls across the clearing with a cute - childlike whine. 

“She’s quite the character.” They walk in unicent toward Madi. 

“Is she ever.” Clarke laughs. 

 

* * *

Bellamy prepares Rabbit after Madi demands Clarke try his master “cooking” skills he possesses. He rolls his eyes, but can’t help but can’t help but smile at the light she became in his life, in just a few short days, Madi picked up all of his tiny pieces and put them together, albeit haphazardly. His life was nothing to gloat about, he had no trophies, no statues of honor, no will to believe in a forgiving God, but he had _ her. _ It turns out, despite all he knew, she never left.

 

He needed to take this time to learn how to forgive himself. To forgive himself for all he put himself through, all he had done to destroy himself. It would take some time, and even more patience, but he now knows that’s more possible than ever. Small hands help piece together the shattered mural that was the life he made. 

 

“You’re zoning out again.” Madi says to him from across the fire, cuddled in close to Clarke. 

Bellamy mumbles something inaudible as he hands over the cooked Rabbit, and Madi snickers at him. 

 

His eyes meet Clarke’s from across the fire. 

 

_ So many things left unsaid.  _

_ His lips against hers, when she crashed into him, did that kiss say more than he could?  _

_ He remembers before Praimfaya, telling her that he has her, that nothing would happen to her.  _

_ He remembers promising Abby to keep her safe.  _

_ He remembers her.  _

 

“Are you alright?” Clarke asks him softly, and he hardly hears it.

“Mm?” “Yeah, I’m just...getting used to this all - I guess.” His eyes wander away from hers, desperately trying to avoid her gaze. He doesn’t think he can handle it all, not yet. 

“It’s pretty new for me too.” She sympathizes with him. She can only imagine the battle in his mind. 

 

Madi yawns after she finishes up her food. “I’m going to wash up and get some sleep. These last few days have been a bit more than my training prepared me for.” She smiles at Clarke as Clarke presses a kiss to her tiny rosy cheek. 

 

“Get some sleep my tiny Natblida.” 

“Goodnight Nomon, goodnight Bellamy.” She waves as she runs off to one of the huts. 

Leaving Bellamy and Clarke in a naked silence. A tension fills the air, and it’s unrecognizable. 

Bellamy sighs. “I don’t know what to say Clarke...I don’t even know where to begin.” 

“No” she shakes her head, a sad smile on her face “Either do I.” 

“I thought you were dead….I spent the last six years hating myself because I was an idiot and I left you behind.” Small tears kiss his cheeks as he raises from the log he sits on. 

“Bellamy…” she stands now too, watching him pace around. It was painful to watch, and she knows him all too well. He’s going to break. 

His fist connects to the tree beside him. “The worst part is, I could hear your voice.” 

Her heart sinks, and she isn’t sure how she feels about it. Slowly she crosses the space between them, and she takes his face in her hands. 

“Bellamy….” she says softly, she wipes the tears that kiss his freckled cheeks. His tears burn his cuts from the men who tortured him.

“I couldn’t save you. I thought you died hating me for leaving you behind…” he pauses and searches her face. “Now here you are.” he chokes. “You never left…” 

“I landed on Earth and for a split second I hoped you’d still be alive, that some kind of miracle….would keep you alive. You had to be a part of the planet, you had to be a part of me. That was the only thing that kept me alive….” 

She smiles sadly and nods with a tiny laugh, she presses her forehead to him. “Me too…” she admits. “I called you every single day, shouting into the void, hoping that one day your voice would call back. I swear Madi thought I was insane for the first two years.” She laughs again. 

“I made recordings….of me talking to you….I don’t think that’s any different.” He returns that broken smile. 

“I was broken, and somehow this entire time you fixed me without even having to be there.” He pushes back a curl that escaped to the front of her face.

“I’m glad we could be that for one another...and now I’m here. I’m not going anywhere, not now and I promise not ever.” Her arms come around his shoulders and he melts into her arms. Soft sobs leave him as he leans his forehead against her shoulder. 

“Good…” he says after a long pause. “Cause I don’t think I’ll be letting you out of my sight for a long time.” She runs her fingers through his hair.

“It’s been a long day, come lay with me?” she intertwines her fingers with his and he nods slowly. 

She opens up the back of the rover and hops in. 

“Clarke?” he questions.

 

“Come here, you can see the stars from the hood door of the rover.” He complies slowly, and Clarke makes herself comfortable, laying flat on her back. He hesitates before laying down next to her, worried he may invade her personal space. He lays down next to her and his eyes wander to the stars above him. He found himself watching her instead.

 

“This isn’t going to be easy for me Clarke…” he speaks in tender and soft tones. 

“That’s alright...we’ll get there slowly. I’ve got all the time in the world with you now.” Clarke’s voice sounds more and more like a kid, naive to the true nature of what could be. 

 

She shifts next to him and curls into his side. 

 

“Is this okay?” she asks as her mouth is pressed into the fabric of his jacket.

 

His arm comes around her, and he pulls her close to him, his eyes winding shut to the sensation of her being so close. 

 

"Bellamy...if you need forgiveness...I'll give that to you. You're forgiven." She repeats the words he remembers saying to her. He pressed an open mouth, warm kiss to her forehead.

 

"Thank you...for everything." 

“Thank you for coming home to me.” 

“Home is wherever you are, I never left.” 


End file.
